glass house

Living in the glass house is as empty as
The bottle of wine in the hand of a drunk man
Mirrors reflect everything but the truth is forever hidden
Eyes from the outside wandering, my face and every part of it
Whispering, mumbling to what they think is really happening
Fascination grabs their attention, fascination at the perfect reflection
My life is nothing but a creation from a sad sick imagination
The spotlight makes it interesting, its tragic how much they want it
Touch the glass maybe you'll see that it can break so easily
Or try to look behind the light, you'll see the darkness inside
Don't be fooled by what you see, I'm clearly not what I claim to be
The lies attracts you to me like a sailor in the deep blue sea
As hard as you try to run away, you'll always come back and stay
Forgetting who you used to be attempting to erase all your memories
Slow down and take a look around my voice isn't as magical as it sounds
There's no mystery behind the glass
There's nothing but a tragedy inside.

Untitled

I can't love what I don't know It's not a sin if God says no
You can't hide your tears anymore your shame is stronger than ever before
It's not your fault you've been taught to hate yourself that's all you know
The lies you say everyday the truth can no longer relate
To a life you once had before a little kid with nothing to offer the world but a soul
Your hand in mine wet and shaking your voice is lowering with every breath you take in
The words you speak make little sound disguising the pain you have growing inside
With every line I hear the sound of Heaven's doors closing behind
You turn to look with worried eyes you whisper 'It's time to die, It's time to die...
Forgive me father I never knew how much I had to offer you
With every battle you fought with me this one you've forced it out on me
Reminds me of a lesson you once taught me when I was at the age of thirteen
"Greedy eyes can't see the light, God helps with it those who cry"
But I'm not thirteen Dad, can't you see? there's a filth in all your intimacy
But time succeeded to let our hearts grow further and further apart
And now I guess it doesn't matter you say you no longer have a daughter
I apologize for what I did I had no right to make you feel like this
I wish I've listened more carefully and took to heart what my mother once taught me
"All men are hard as stones, that's true. Believe in God and let His love shine on you"
It pains me to see you in so much suffering Oh I do hope you're recovering
The knowledge inside your stories I curse at my name when I recall it
Your face when you found out your world hung upside down
If tears were made out of bullets I wish yours would rain on me
Taking me to heaven or to hell I don't care I'm glad I died in my mother's prayers
Oh father I know you don't care about me no more I doubt you even miss me at all
But father I'll never forget when I was eight you used to tuck me in and always wait
When she sleeps you come crawling to my sheets
Whisper the three words that never fail to make me shiver till this very day
At seventy I guess you can't remember how you killed your daughter one day over the summer.'

Bukowski

In his absolute mind life's no longer realised
In the madness behind his eyes
There's the sorrow the sadden heart
The wrinkles and the lines
All you see in the dim light
People like him dance alone
Live and laugh all on their own
In bravery they don't believe
Like a child that hide its needs
A secret space in which they stay
To weep and write their hatred and dismay
With blinded eyes and wounded souls
They claim they "saw it" and "know it all"
A 'man of the people' a 'work to admire'
From a full mouthed open liar
In his absent mind death is realised
A man, a silent heart
A body dumped in the dark. 

pieces

“I see myself forever and ever as the ridiculous man, the lonely soul, the wanderer, the restless frustrated artist, the man in love with love, always in search of the absolute, always seeking the unattainable.” - Miller

Insane

I'm surrounded by lies its all just a camera flash
Smile next to people I don't know laugh when asked to do so
Walk away from the crowd but still keep a distance to be found
When called run as fast as you can so you could "act well this time"
I hear the voices I don't recognize I see the faces all look familiar tonight
A devil and an angel sitting side to side whispering their weird demands
An old man laughing in the dark his own sanity is pulling him apart
The shadows all dancing in the night moving far away from the lights
Could it be ghosts? could it be lost souls? Oh I wish they could know
They're all alive in my head feeding me their own deaths
Cursing at my name to stop but I only whisper its not enough
The pain is part of them but a part of me as well
The scars they made belong to me souvenirs I'd like to keep
Screaming at me 'That's enough' yelling 'It's time to wake up'
But don't they know it's not a dream or a nightmare of any scene
It's a life I'm currently seeing it's an air I'm gently breathing
It's a time for me to be something acting differently
I don't care about the darkness I'll see all I know is that I'm free
Free from the people that never understood me free from the past that kept haunting me
Free from the mistakes I made from the consequences that won't have to remain
Free from a life that never belonged to me free from the person you made me be
Oh father please forgive me I'm choosing to leave what you gave me
I'm becoming someone you won't recognize
I'm becoming my own self tonight.

reflecting innocence pt.2

I keep thinking that someday we'll meet again
hopefully by then we've grown tired to pretend
hopefully we'll know what each of us is thinking
hopefully we'll realise what we have been missing
sometimes I think that we were meant to be
but timing and people got the better of me
I was never brave to go in alone
I thought it was all better being on your own
soon enough I'll get older and you will too
and this letter would reach you on a summer noon
maybe a life was made for us somewhere away from home
but we were never strong enough to go in, face the unknown.

reflecting innocence

 

 

She is cold. she is a hard-hearted girl she never lets anyone too close and maybe that was the reason why I fell for her, I remember looking at this girl from across the room from me standing leaning on the wall with a cup of beer everyone around her was either talking incredibly loud over the music, two couple standing next to her were kissing, girls standing beside her dancing but she was just standing there looking at a far window she was completely unaware of her surrounding, what was she looking at? Or actually what was she looking for? What was it that she needed that she couldn't find in this room that is filled with all these people. she was the kind of girl that would break your heart because you know you would have to go crazy to fall in love with her, you would go to the deepest and beyond to try and understand her, you would have to let go of everything you thought you knew about girls when you approach her, how could you even approach her? She's the kind of girl that you would obsess over all the little things that she does, the way her hair is always messy doesn't matter if she just woke up or she got dressed to go out but it was her own, no other girl ever had a messy hair like hers. and the way she bites her nails whenever she watches scary films you sit there beside her holding her in you look at how her eyes are full of concern and sympathy for those actors and you wanna tell her that it's okay it's just a movie but you love how she's genuine even to the pretend, or the way she licks her lips whenever she stares at you she doesn't say anything but she never takes her eyes away from you, she pulls you in without saying anything and you wanna stay there wherever it is she's taking you, you know you want to stay there. I loved her if that wasn't obvious enough, I loved her even without knowing her name, I've known her even though I had no idea where she came from, I knew she was it for me she was the girl that would change everything for me, she was the next step for me, how often do you feel that way? I was overwhelmed by those feelings because she was a vision everything about her I wanted to know, every little detail of her past, every little secret, every dark thought, every happy thought, every sad thought, everything she was, everything she is and everything she wanted to become I wanted to know her all…
And till this day I still feel that exact same way.

 

kind of but not really

I AM ONCE AGAIN RESURRECTED!
It's been so long since I last wrote anything mostly because... well, I haven't got much of a reason! but there's a reason (in fact) to why I'm writing today and if you (who I think you are) reading this then by all means this post is dedicated to you.
I fear that as my finals approach I too approach my dreaded habit of neurosis, I don't know what I could possibly say about this past semester except that it has been a huge and giant blur I honestly don't even remember when it started and now somehow its finished... I mean WHAAAAT? how did that happen? really 1+1=2? does the earth even exists? (my jokes have always been painfully unfunny) now finals are up and its the biggest blur of em all oh it's gon' be a doozy, whatever I didn't really want to write this post to rant about my finals but I guess since its my blog, its my rant and its my own ass that's sweating!
Okay so back to my main point, today I have part-taken, nope, scratch that, that was clearly a lie.. I mean since when did I part-take in anything, no. I have been a part (wait for it) of a lovely audience (yep, those are the kind of people that sit there and watch things) of this dead poetry/slang/prose/awesome-everything-else-i-didn't-suspect-ever club, it was cool, it was pretty dope actually, I was in a place that had normal people like they were actually normal and not those stereotypes I have been seeing lately. I am kind of inspired to see that there's still hope somewhere (Yes, yes dark and sad sounding weirdo is back in full action) but seriously it was pretty amazing to see kids writing pieces and expressing themselves and not even afraid of how it might come out, and it wasn't at all off it was cool like a pretentious-free area. alrighty I'm done fangirl-ing cause I actually wanted to say something, you know I might not be the easiest person to get to know, I admit that I'm a bit off sometimes but I really do believe that there's more to people than you think, honestly. I am not a judgemental person never been and never want to be, but I was always a be-by-yourself-cause-Uz-too-fly-guurrl kind of person (how is that for a mouthful?!) I never cared for people as much, I know how awful I sound even as I'm writing this I know that's not entirely true (it's kind of true) I always thought of my life as a journey because a time would come when I would leave everything and everyone behind so this is all "temporary" if you're happy don't believe it its "temporary" if you're sad don't sweat it its "temporary" and I guess that's how everyone else has been seeing me but I never wanted to admit its me. I don't want to sit here and type away thinking I'm better than most people cause I'm not, I'm just an idiot like the rest of them and on top of it I'm awkward too, I mean where do you go from there? So I believe in all of my blabbering I wanted to say something, there's more to people than you think, I could never dismiss someone again for the way they "appear" to be because trust me that same person might be the great great grand son of Einstein and they haven't even discovered it yet.
In conclusion I would like to end by saying we are all in this together... separately.