kind of but not really

I AM ONCE AGAIN RESURRECTED!
It's been so long since I last wrote anything mostly because... well, I haven't got much of a reason! but there's a reason (in fact) to why I'm writing today and if you (who I think you are) reading this then by all means this post is dedicated to you.
I fear that as my finals approach I too approach my dreaded habit of neurosis, I don't know what I could possibly say about this past semester except that it has been a huge and giant blur I honestly don't even remember when it started and now somehow its finished... I mean WHAAAAT? how did that happen? really 1+1=2? does the earth even exists? (my jokes have always been painfully unfunny) now finals are up and its the biggest blur of em all oh it's gon' be a doozy, whatever I didn't really want to write this post to rant about my finals but I guess since its my blog, its my rant and its my own ass that's sweating!
Okay so back to my main point, today I have part-taken, nope, scratch that, that was clearly a lie.. I mean since when did I part-take in anything, no. I have been a part (wait for it) of a lovely audience (yep, those are the kind of people that sit there and watch things) of this dead poetry/slang/prose/awesome-everything-else-i-didn't-suspect-ever club, it was cool, it was pretty dope actually, I was in a place that had normal people like they were actually normal and not those stereotypes I have been seeing lately. I am kind of inspired to see that there's still hope somewhere (Yes, yes dark and sad sounding weirdo is back in full action) but seriously it was pretty amazing to see kids writing pieces and expressing themselves and not even afraid of how it might come out, and it wasn't at all off it was cool like a pretentious-free area. alrighty I'm done fangirl-ing cause I actually wanted to say something, you know I might not be the easiest person to get to know, I admit that I'm a bit off sometimes but I really do believe that there's more to people than you think, honestly. I am not a judgemental person never been and never want to be, but I was always a be-by-yourself-cause-Uz-too-fly-guurrl kind of person (how is that for a mouthful?!) I never cared for people as much, I know how awful I sound even as I'm writing this I know that's not entirely true (it's kind of true) I always thought of my life as a journey because a time would come when I would leave everything and everyone behind so this is all "temporary" if you're happy don't believe it its "temporary" if you're sad don't sweat it its "temporary" and I guess that's how everyone else has been seeing me but I never wanted to admit its me. I don't want to sit here and type away thinking I'm better than most people cause I'm not, I'm just an idiot like the rest of them and on top of it I'm awkward too, I mean where do you go from there? So I believe in all of my blabbering I wanted to say something, there's more to people than you think, I could never dismiss someone again for the way they "appear" to be because trust me that same person might be the great great grand son of Einstein and they haven't even discovered it yet.
In conclusion I would like to end by saying we are all in this together... separately. 

Red light

Do you ever feel weird and out-of-place for no apparent reason? I mean the conversation is going, the food is fine, the company isn't bad, the "hot" topic in discussion isn't at all that dull but somehow you just can't jump in, not because you can't but because you don't want to. first of all I have no clue why I'm typing "you" when it's clear that I'm talking about myself, it's even worse that I know I'm the only one who's going to read this.. any-whos here this isn't what I was talking about. I don't know why or actually when I became so... how do I put it, absent-minded.. yeah this would fit right in. My friends have always seen in me this "indifference" which I don't even know where I acquired it from, I try very hard not to show it I try to blend in with the crowd but in the end I fail and fall right on my ass. I wish it wasn't like that, I honestly do. Sometimes I catch myself wondering and chasing those what-ifs..  what if I was a bit more social? what if I was the caring one? what if I was the one who brought everyone together? what if what if what if...etc.
Sometimes I think that the whole "individualism" thing is bullshit, really it was just another fancy term that lonely people (preferably hipsters) invented to make themselves sound interesting and to look down on the naive idiot (but actually happy and normal) man.
In the end nobody is pleased, everyone has something to complain about, everyone has something they don't like, be it "too much attention" or "not enough attention" no one is happy, period.
of course this is just my own personal view of the external world... but what do I know, I'm more "typical" than I'd like to admit.