Religion & Me (pt. 2)

'We find God and religions 

To paint us with 

Salvation' 

I have been running short on vocabulary lately, mostly it has to do with the fact that I haven't engaged in a conversation with another human for the past month, an adequate time for my mouth to forget to do that thing it does where it sort-of opens a bit and sound kind of vibrates in the form of words (...weird?) let's just hope this won't be pure nonsense with no substance... Wow, it already started! 

Awhile back I wrote a post about this particular subject, and I've made some kind of oath to return to it and see if I'd felt any different, so here I am, uncomfortably seated with a poor disposition  -might I add- writing about this for the second time.

This is my -most humble- opinion from experience, and I'm only declaring this to shut the voice in my head thats screaming right now: 

- STOP INFLICTING YOUR OPINIONS ON THE WORLD!! 

To which I take a step back, lean then take another one and say: 

- Sorry? 

- YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE!!

Oh... The grimes in insecurity, or is it the salvation in ignorance? 

I honestly believe that questioning my religion strengthen my faith, though it might not seem to be such an easy conviction, I never expected it to be anyway, also how am I to stand behind something I haven't sought and fought to understand? I took a few swings in the dark the last time I came by this corner by asking many questions that I couldn't possibly know the answers to, and I know that's the mere source to my frustration and agitation, it bothered me that I couldn't find a rational argument to settle an irrational topic... Let me explain. 

Last time I wrote about Islam from a religion standpoint (as much as I could remember) but not from an experience, I have been at the two sides of extremes, I've seen people using their religion as a cover to hide behind, a show to display, there's no harm in making mistakes as long as we learn from them, estimate the weight of each mistake or better yet manage to think of the consequences ahead of time, if all of that fails to happen then apparently falling back into the false sense of redemption is what's left.

Everyone has a different set of morals or moral codes -if you will- and it be stupid to assume them to be intrinsic, in a rather harsh reality where everyone has their own agenda they're following, I talk about morals and principles, because they're the reasons behind regrets and resentments, people that seem to possess none, find their "salvation" in religion, and in a way I can see why they would, because it does act as their safety net, think about it, why wouldn't I jump once and even twice if I was made fully aware that theres a safety net on guard at all times? 

I could argue even more and say that depends on the fall, but hey, if you jump you've jumped, that's it. 

Which acts we perceive to be good and which do we consider to be bad, should be defined by us, who we are determines how we act, I don't believe that there's good people and bad people in this world, there are those that do good and those that do bad, and roles tend to intertwine, a person's character is determined by their deeds, I couldn't possibly say I'm a good person if all you've ever seen me do is cheat and lie my way through life, doesn't matter what you think about yourself if you're not able to carry it out through your actions. 

People that use religion to cover their tracks, have no real conscience so they will fold themselves into a religion to get a "sense of rightness" because without it they wouldn't know where to turn, and with the absence of a safety net, wouldn't they just hit the ground? 

Then there's the radicals who lack a clear understanding of the core aspect of their religion, somehow managing to follow its every rule without once embodying its essence, it's true that we're taught to be as close to perfection as possible, but does that mean that we forget that the origin of this religion is kindness, and that the path to it is simplicity? do we scorn those who wear their imperfections outward, dismissing their views and rejecting the special connection they have with their Creator, just because they took (are taking) a different route than us? 

What it must feel like to live in an unprejudiced world? 

*She then holds her breath to silence her inner hippie* 

I haven't found the answers, and chances are I never will, and I've learned a long time ago that God isn't a "rational" theory, even though no one knows how the Universe came about (was there a one prior to it?)  and chances are they never will, so why is it difficult to believe that a Creator was behind it? I'll tell you why, its because knowledge had made us cynical, at least it did me about this particular area, I wanted to find a way to rationalise this irrational topic but that's just not possible, there's no logic to it, you either believe or you don't, take a pick. 

Take your time and think about it, what are we doing and why are we doing any of it? Is there a meaning behind your everyday, or is it all meaningless? Do you take a moment to appreciate the life that surrounds you or you're passing it by and those in it?  How would you describe justice when bad things happen to good people who seem to have lost about everything and are unable to cope? On that one particularly; tell me, is God a good theory? 

Greed had dictated the hearts of those who became blind to sound judgement, there's so much evil in this world, I will not deny it, but no one is born with it, people are taught to hate, why else would one treat another like they're inferior, like their life is of little to no value, that they could just end without much of a remorse? This has nothing to do with what faith they "practise" these are people of no faith to begin with. 

 I don't know why bad things happen to good people, I don't know why so many children had to die in these war zones, can I call them God's Children? Can I be naive enough to call them that? Life is suffering, but with so much suffering in it there's also an abundance of joy in it, its up to us to decide what we choose to see, and only with open wounds do we heal, and with immense pain do we long for and appreciate happiness when its finally here. 

My heart aches at the terrible circumstances so many are in right now, and it hurts a little at the bullshit we lose ourselves in everyday, from pride to drama to everything else that keeps us from being as connected to each others as we could be. We take life and those in it for granted, I know that I used to, and I became aware of that the night I lost a dear person to me, and believe me or not, from deep sadness happiness managed to find a way to shine through, it took the passing of this person to bring my family together, grief made us realise that we can't keep on pretending that family reunions every four years are sufficient, it made us take a step back and think that we ought to be there more, and so we did, and I do believe that even though this person left this world, she left behind her, her spirit to clothe us with. (RIP, love) 

I know this post seemed like ramblings followed by even more ramblings, and I've digressed to the point of WTF and I couldn't quite manage to find my way back, but hey, YOLO... Am I right? Anyway what I wanted to say was that I appreciate the little things that I never noticed before; like the slow pace of somedays, the blur of others, the people that come and go and the memories that follow. If I learned anything in the past months is that nothing lasts, nobody can help you if you are not willing to help yourself, and there's no use in expecting or demanding much of someone, everyone works at their own speed, and I understand that everyone has their own pain they're hiding from or dealing with, people in your life are like mirrors, they reflect something about you, they bring out something you were never aware of before; people in your life are seasons and everything that happens is for a reason. I don't want to stress about the things that don't matter anymore, I don't want to try and recapture something thats long gone and I don't want to make other people's happiness my number one priority. 

This world is indeed chaotic but the only real trap is getting attached to any of it, think about it for a moment, when we choose to let go is when we become free, the driving force in my life right now is maitri and karuna, caring for myself first then those around me; I can't promise to be what they expect of me but I'm here for them in a way I'm satisfied with, and I can't say I've figured out much about love other than its many variations and durations, we do not always get to see our love manifest and blossoms and perhaps thats okay, we don't always get to harvest in our lifetime and perhaps thats okay too, time is a mere concept thats all, what matters is leaving an imprint on those you touch, being there for someone in need, inspiring another to change for the better, holding on to a dear's trust and so on and forth. 

Life is composed of little moments, that make up for everything, sadly enough many are too absorbed in their own minds, that they fail to recognise them. Happiness isn't a difficult equation, it does not require you to be delusional, if you stop expecting and demanding things to be different, and instead accept where you're at right now (with the desire to move and improve further) maybe you can stand a chance at being happy. 

Religion & Me

People that pick their noses 

and keep going at it... 

you're fingering 

yourself, mate

estagfurAllah, aldonya Ramadan 

When you squeeze an orange, until your hand managed to forcefully abstract all the liquid out, to leave a dry-dead looking skin of nothingness at the end of the process (actually that dry-dead skin can be used as a face-mask once heated and mutated, that poor thing; literally went from an orange to a "thing") notice how bad I am with metaphors, and following them up? *ABORT; says disengaged brain* well, here I go again, hand-in-hand with nonsense by my side, buckle down, brain. Buckle down. 

I flinch every time there's a discussion about Religion, I'm not sure whether I was brought up in an oblivious environment where discussions of that sort weren't talked about as they should've/could've been, perhaps it was an observe-and-copy environment where questions felt unnecessary to barge in, later felt a sense of unwelcome, or maybe I'll just blame it on the media because we all know it as the spawn of Satan (everyone is playing that blame-game nowadays) no matter what the reason is, I'll need to get over my preprogrammed anxiety and write what it is I think (I can only hope my prefrontal cortex isn't effected by the fast) 

Like everyone else, I've contemplated about existence, essence and left a blank space underneath the existential questions, because -to be honest- I am deep to my neck with uncertainty whenever I try to tackle any of it. This is my -surely humble- point of view regarding Religion, and I do not wish to discuss any other aspect that hangs with to contradict, be it; the universe and how it seemingly stretched from nothing, how it will supposedly return to nothing, what happens to our atoms once our bodies cease to function, if our energies could be transferred, the freaking evolution of homo sapiens. Na Bruv, I'm not doing none of that. 

Instead, I'll talk about my set of beliefs (raised upon and acquired) that should make me feel "good about myself" once they're applied and lived by, and why its never as simple as that. 

Islam -to me- is a religion that encompasses many layers, when I tried to take it for its literal sense, I found a gap between us as large as the Pacific Ocean, I couldn't relate, the severity of its punishments, the rigidity of its disciplines, the ancient history of its sacred book, I was a foreign in an unfamiliar land, failing to fit in, I didn't have a hard time believing (although weeds of doubt grew now and again) the difficult time was spent practicing, I applied myself, attempting to find it within me to realise why I was doing it, why I was praying, what did I go through during the prayer and what did I feel afterwards? the answer was a flatline of nothingness. 

So basically, you mean to say, you were going through the motions to trigger the emotions? (Yes, captain cliche of all cliches) that was basically it, it also didn't help that all I was exposed to, from the media, was the 'wrong kind of Islam', you know the ones that take God's matters into their own hands, that believe they're Prophets in their own right, that know nothing about their religion but its rules and punishments. 

Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) is the last prophet to carry the final answers from God to the people, through the Koran and his many sayings and stories that I'm learning about, I say the final answers but there's really one question that comes to the minds of people "What is my purpose in life?" and the answer to that, is actually quite simple if I was to take it from the perspective of Islam: to believe in the articles of faith, to carry out the five pillars, to refrain from all of which that is haram (forbidden), and to spread the message of Islam. 

Life is granted not possessed, that's the core asset in understanding Islam, this life we're living now, is a steppingstone to the afterlife, where you are either to be rewarded for your good deeds or punished for wasting the life that was given in evil deeds or no deeds at all. It goes with the saying, many muslims (and most non-musilms) believe in: 'Everything is a test from God' basically what that means, is that God is watching your every move, nothing is random, you are constantly placed in situations that test your faith, your oath, to see how strongly you believe, how sincerely you're carrying out the message.

It goes without saying that there are a lot of forbidden pleasures in Islam (pleasure isn't really the word here, but for lack of a better term) and life is filled with temptations, when I first read about Islam (for pleasure, again for lack of a better term) (can you imagine if a writer wrote a novel composed of sentences ending with 'for lack of a better term' how satire is that? I would pay for that) anyway, I took in the literal sense of the text, and I found myself unable to comprehend let alone apply it to my life, and that is where I took a detour. 

Why did God forbid Adam and Eve from the tree of knowledge? why did He send them to the garden of Eden if they would disobey Him? Was it so that they would inhabit the Earth and begin what was yet to be known as the humankind? Was it a punishment for the first example of disobedience and the suffering that followed it? Or was it to show the story (the legend) of how weak human beings are against temptations (in all its different facets)? Why was shame the first emotion they felt when they became aware of each others nudity? Is that why we grow up hiding ourselves embarrassed by the mere mention of the human form? Is shame the feeling that we ought to associate with sin? Why didn't they feel guilt immediately for doing what God ordered not to? If following the rules is what God wants from us, and breaking them is what the Devil is after, what does that make us... pawns? 

See now why I fringe at discussions about Religion, almost always the endless cycle of questioning is interrupted by a strange abstract thing lurking in, fishing for doubts which form from the absence of answers, trying to catch me, and its goes by the name of Atheism. 

I remember having a conversation with a friend once, about how underwhelmed she felt when the topic of Judgement Day was brought up, her argument was basically centred around how the universe was filled with so many wondrous limitless opportunities and a bunch of many other variables that line up together, that we won't even have time to make sense of, before the end of the world, as we came to know it, where we stand to be questioned about what we've done in that particular day of that particular year and so and so. I don't remember how that conversation ended, and I don't think I've tried to argue to what I "believe" would actually happen, for it is written and those who read about it, can have a picture of what it would be like, and here I go, stumbling again. 

Allow me to pick myself up. 

The signs to the end of the world are both major and small, the major 'time-changing' are yet to happen, though the small ones are happening as we are living now, I'm not going to go through them, in all honesty I don't remember them with clarity, what I can however talk about, is the picture of the last judgment, the one I was raised to believe would happen, from teachings at schools to videos of religious scholars on youtube (as real as it gets, yo) the humankind is called upon to raise from the dead, everyone for his/herself; except those who loved one another under God's name, lived to spread His message and strengthen their faiths together, those are hand-in-hand walking toward their judgement, and those who were not following in God's orders (after taking his name) are running in wild fear without much awareness, the sun is right above the heads, and all are waiting to see, which eternity they'll fall into. Some muslims will run with the speed of light through the bridge leading up to Heaven (Alseerat Al mostageem) those are the ones who lived by God's wishes and have spread His message, others will walk in slowly balancing between their deeds and some will crawl, chained to the deeds that will eventually lead them to punishment.

Another image is the white fabric that will be covering the naked bodies, this fabric will extend according to the person's actions, some will have a full garment and others only shreds. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) will be the first to lead his nation to the doors of Heaven, the first to knock and the first to be welcomed, he is the one that will quench the thirsts and lead every muslim to his/her place in heaven. Some would have castles and others would have a small space, all depending on their actions on earth. 

Disclaimer: No research went into the accuracy of this, this is nothing other than the ranting of a girl, working her way out of incoherent thoughts, in an attempt to understand what it is she doesn't. I know nothing. 

Reasonable questions that are worth mentioning; why is Islam the final religion for mankind? Why is it the one that'll stand the course of time? Why was Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) chosen? Why wasn't there any documented miracles during his time, forcing the non-believablers to change their minds like the Prophets before him? 

Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was illiterate, and that's the first fact, that is usually poked on to mock the religion as a whole. I honestly believe reading the Koran and understanding it, is the first step towards killing the weeds of doubts, stories that are documented carries within them depth into the true nature of life, and what we are doing, why we are doing it and whom we are serving. Of course religions before such carried answers too, but Islam is different, in a sense of God's entrusting His message with a man who passed every single test was placed upon him, Muhammed (SAAWS) lost both of his parents at a young age; having never actually met his father and watched his mother dying before his own eyes, he was placed at the guardianship of his grandfather who was the first to notice that he was different, he used to bring him to meetings with him, but instead of playing Muhammed (SAAWS) used to listen, and take in everything that was said, from an early age he was developing his abilities to think and reflect. 

After the death of his grandfather, he was then placed at the guardianship of his uncle, who took him gladly, and Muhammed (SAAWS) worked for many years, starting at the age of nine as a sheepman, then at 15 as a seller (again, I did not check those facts) he was known for his hard work and dedication, his honesty and humility. When I spoke of tests, I meant the losing of those closest to him, Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) realised -from such a young age- what grief and loss truly felt like, how fleeing life actually is, and that wasn't enough to keep him away from the society in which he partook in. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was known for his reflections and contemplation, his solitude at Cave Hira in the mountains is the perfect example for when he was seeking answers to the many questions clouding his mind; a notion I know many including myself went (and will continue to go) through. 

I'm not going to write a historical post, instead I would like to answer some of the questions, I stated earlier, I believe that Islam is the final religion for a reason; Koran is composed of stories of pervious times and times still ahead, it surpasses the time in which it was revealed, and the time in which we live in now, I guess I'm trying to say its timeless and that's why its not affected by the passage of time. God breathed His spirit unto Adam, we are all born with an intrinsic essence that somehow speaks to us; call it conscience or soul, regardless of the name, its there, and its the one that determines how we feel about ourselves. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was chosen for he embodied all the traits of an inspiring teacher and mentor, he was not only a messenger of God, he was able with his characteristics to effect the course of an entire nation and the many that followed and keep following it. 

There's this question that goes 'If you could invite three people to dinner with you -alive or dead- who would you pick?' I would love to invite Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) to hear more of his stories and see for myself the enigma that he is. PBUH. 

Just saying. 

There weren't any miracles during the spreading of the message of Islam, and I think that was because the era of miracles was over, Islam came with a direct message; the first word from God to come down on Muhammed (SAAWS) was 'Read' and I believe that thats truly all you need to know, this religion's sole purpose is to teach people to read and become educated so that they'll built and develop worthwhileness in this life. During the early times of the message Muhammed (SAAWS) built Dar Airqm where teachings about Islam and the Koran was being held for the followers to become more informed; they did not follow blindly, they understood the text, something that I think we lack in our time. 

When I pray, my ability to be mindful and present is often transient, I struggle through my urge to fight the distractions and desire to cave in, a reason behind this, could be repetitiveness, I don't need to tell you, how easy it is (in this day and age) for the brain to find dull spots during the day, and praying everyday like its a chore you're supposed to be doing isn't what praying is about, I heard this story about a man who described praying as his personal time with God, he would shake sometimes reduced to tears when he becomes aware of how magnificent and grand the meeting actually is, another story about a man who cried during a prayer, when asked why, he said he was filled with weary and agony because life and its endless distractions managed to take his mind away during prayers, he felt sorry for himself... and I'm sure there are countless other stories, but you get my point. 

I could only wish to arrive at that stage, where reciting Koran during prayer leaves my spine tingling, where the comfort we humans so desperately seek, I can find during my personal time with God. There is no denying that I have felt an emptiness recently, perhaps what's changed is that I can be more articulate when describing it, cause I've grown more accustomed to it, either way I would like to ask you to ask yourself this question: is everything felt in-half here? by here I mean life, Is there a reason why happiness doesn't last nor does sadness, why satisfaction isn't 100% granted? Is it because that's all we're meant to have? and that the other half or perhaps the full pie is savoured for Heaven? 

Its not simple math, struggling to carry out His message is only natural. Life is wonderful, it was granted for living and making the most of it. Yet it's not ours to claim, perhaps thats why I heard so many stories about people (muslims in particular) in their death beds; seeming serene to have found something we living are still searching for, they've let go of their grasp in life, perhaps that's where comfort comes around. Morbidness step aside. 

This isn't one of those 'shed a light on' posts, I do not want to defend my religion, nor justify the horrible acts some people carry under its name. I simply want a platform where I can stand upon, even when mistakes are made, and be able to bounce back. When I was younger the last thing I inquired of someone was their believe system, and now that I'm a bit older, it remains the same. I am trying to understand myself better, and faith is only reinforcing that. 

Disclaimer (2): I am not isolating myself nor do I advocate that, I am also not in the business of converting anything, this is nothing other than the ranting of a girl who's spilling her mind into a keyboard. 

PS: That orange was a metaphor for my mind. 

PPS: I'm so lame. 

My History Is Your History

We often forget to remember that we're all human beings living on this planet Earth together; though distant and disconnected more often than not, yet we all share the same space and breathe the same air. One could argue we're spiritual beings who go through human experiences, and I would like to have a drink with that one, incoherent fantasies pushed to the side... If we're all together and some of us more than others, why is it that nothing changes even when injustice; that dusty-filled word, is still being stuttered, spitted and echoed with the coming and going of a new generation.

Are you familiar with the phrase: "Put yourself in their shoes"? something resembling that, is perhaps what your mother used to tell you as a kid, when you complained about the beans in your rice, or the tomatoes in your vegetables, or the fact that you were served with a plate of vegetables even though you're clearly not a fan of green, your mother would then say something along the line: "What about the poor children begging in the street, put yourself in their shoes; that is if they even have any" you'll look at her, then look at green and you'll stuff your mouth with those -awfully red circling things- that taste of constipation and guilt. 

Is it fair? A question that's torturing an empty cycle, we all find ourselves asking that using our inner voice, hoping that just by questioning we would have paid some kind of debt to spirituality, so that when the questioning is done, we could roll around, chasing indulgence through an endless cycle. 

What it must be like to knock down all the boundaries to reach all of those children and embrace them like they're our own? A baby born out of wedlock is preconceived by society as an outcast, unwanted and wrong that'll grow up to become a thief and so much worse,  revenging and "getting back" at the society that rejected it. That's what society wants from you; to reduce that child to an it wiping away the humanity born within him/her so that apathy will turn you away from them. 

What about the grand thieves that run the countries? Stealing every single day, dictating what we're shown in the media, how we should act, what we should talk about, re-writting history using their own false words and treating every citizen like they're born yesterday. What about our "supposed" leaders that couldn't even level up to mediocre, that are everyday criminals, that hide under an umbrella they call religion which isn't even wide enough to shade them all. 

When you read a story about a woman who was harassed, kidnaped, raped and then killed, identified a few days later with only her disfigured and dismembered body thrown somewhere, your guts are filled with rage and disgust, whilst attempting and before quite unlocking those "Whys?" you're presented with another story of different origin and similar unfortunate ending. 

What if it was your mother, sister, daughter or female cousin; what if it was them? Victim Blaming is a tendency; an anchor that is to be removed entirely, because its now attached to every one of those stories. Why do I even call that a "story"? when its clearly anything but. A natural human characteristic is to try and distant ourselves from horrible circumstances that others face and we don't, the same tendency that makes us shudder our shoulders when we see all the graphic photos of war to immediately click next distracting ourselves with whatever random the internet has to offer. 

Slut Shaming (a phrase I despise, always) is another form of Victim Blaming, only this once there is no victim, there is no human, there is merely a thing; an object that is to be ridiculed, exploited for reasons I don't nor wish to know.  The need to ask "What if it was your..." won't even apply here. An object is the lowest reduction a woman can face, belittling her, dehumanising her, I would even go as far as pulling the Slavery card to compare this to that. You can't make omelette without breaking the eggs, and I can't emphasis how racism and sexism are the worst form of evil and prejudice I have ever experienced and witnessed. 

Remaining hopeful in a world that might be plunged in darkness can seem like an impossible path to stick to, but that's the only way to do it. I am reminded with the pureness of the human soul every time I interact with children who keep on reminding me of how magical everything around me is. If you only look at it in a different way; from the eyes of a child, that sees beauty in everything, that everything is a first to them, there are no expectations or disappointments, there is merely existence; infinite beautiful existence. 

My history is your history, these words I'm writing now are the same ones you'll read later on. We're all connected in a way or another, the prejudice one person faces affects us all as people. One woman's misfortune is mine; even if the very same act didn't happen to me, as a spiritual being first and a woman second I placed myself in her shoes and I felt what she went through. That's the only way to help each others is to take the time to think and reflect upon the less fortunate of us, shortening the distance then erasing the space, and connecting, through our compassion that drives our courage to stand up for others, and say: 'I won't tolerate this any longer' and make a difference, that's all it takes, is for us to connect, relate to write history the real way. 

I'm not deaf

-Street

her-ass-meant- 

It starts with random car horns and then honks, followed by cars pulling over and a somewhat terrifying fixated set of two if not four (if not more) eyes on me, an aggressive invitation to talk is to what comes next, and once its rejected by ignoring it ever happened, comes the showering of words/sounds that are a violation for me yet an equivalent to what compliments are for these men. Street Harassment you're up next!

I'm talking on my phone, completely oblivious to what's happening around me; considering the fact that it was almost a 100 degree and I always tend to be very cranky when it comes to hot climates (the irony that I live in one of the more heated climates is actually funnier now because its just sad) anyway talking to the person on the other side who could've been the devil in disguise for all I know (YES IT WAS VERY HOT) I walked a short distance, trying to locate the car to go back home, when I stopped for a minute and realised that a parade of eyes had followed me to where I now called a stop, as soon as these eyes became aware of my awareness of them, cue the flirtations techniques taken directly from the 'How the fuck to not ever get a woman handbook' Half of what was literally screamed at me I didn't even comprehend let alone respond to (which is something I would never do) the other half was too vulgar for my own innocent ears (innocent-ish?) and my frustrated mood to be disgusted with, so I basically did what I would normally do in the situation; walk away and pretend like nothing happened.

But something did happen... because this always happens.

Street harassment is now considered a norm; for me to walk outside my house to run an errand or simply indulge in the pleasure a solitary walk does for me, I expect that as soon as I step outside of my house I would hear a word or two from these lowlifes I've grown to loathe more and more each day. The very idea of this becoming a "norm" and for me to "expect" these things to happen because "that's just the way it goes around here" is not okay. See, I could've said something in the situation I've described before, but I didn't only out of fear of encouraging their comments even further, and I have been in a similar situation before which I'll get to in a minute, but let me just say that it was 2 o'clock in the afternoon, it wasn't midnight, I wasn't alone, the sun (THE FREAKING SUN) was shinning as bright and giving all its light to this beautiful life, and there were people (hint: other women) walking on the road, when these comments were made, every other woman walking or standing close by during that moment, including myself; turned a deaf ear, because that's just the norms around here.

I was walking (my life contains a few anecdotes that starts with those) down the street on my way back home from somewhere, when lo and behold I was facing a religious extremist right in front of me, I wasn't wearing any hijab and I won't even get to why not but let me just state that I strongly believe that once its on its never coming off, anyway so this man, who does not know me at all, first time encountering his pleasant demeanour and his mine, belligerently demands me to cover up; literally screaming at my face to cover my hair, now I'm sure (sure-ish?) that if I had met this man in any other different circumstance I would've totally walked away from him (because my mommy taught me not to talk to strangers) but he was screaming and I was there receiving his bitter end; explicitly asking me about my religion and how I'm doing it wrong, again I'm sure that if I had met this man in a different circumstance I would've most definitely walked away because my religion and relationship with God is a private matter between Him and I, but guess what? I wasn't in a different circumstance, I was there when all of these words were punching me in the face, and I refused to walk away like nothing happened so my idea of challenging this narrow-minded man was to tell him to cover up his head first before talking to me, which shut him up in confusion and gave me time to walk away feeling like a proper superwoman for not allowing him or his words to pull me low enough to talk back at him.

That's just it, isn't it? Its not so much what they're saying and that they want you to hear it because guess what ladies, these assholes are not even talking to you, they are talking at you, this is made perfectly clear once you ignore their "invitations" they get frustrated and start yapping about like idiots with their pointless purposeless words. I feel so annoyed when street harassment is made welcomed by ignorant men who won't even stand up because naturally a woman walking down the street on her own, is an invitation in itself; if she didn't want to hear anything she would have brought her brother or cousin or whomever as long as it rhymes with male, with her, I mean only then would she be respected and her personal space is as well, because that respect isn't so much directed at her but the male accompanying her and that same respect is only generated from fear. I mean bloody hell, I could walk to the store and bring my little nephew with me and he would be my protector if anything were to occur; do you see where I'm going with this? doesn't even matter how grown I am, as long as I'm female I have no fucking personal space once I leave my house! SCREW THIS SHIT.

Women are objectified and that's nothing new, I don't even want to get into that (I think my feminist sisters would agree LOL) what bothers me is the very idea of street harassment; the linkage of these two words together, men (actually lets just call them lowlifes, cause a real man would never submit to such behaviour... and I don't even know what this real man is) so anyway, lowlifes think that they can do as they please, say as they please and nothing would happen because worst case scenario: the woman would walk away, best case scenario: the woman would strip naked; she's so flattered her ovaries couldn't handle it. I don't remember the time when street harassment had become this thing it is that I am now so frustrated with that I decided to write about it. Harassment is a violation in its own right, these lowlifes are aware that the woman walking in front of them doesn't want to be bothered with their bullshit, but they still insist on spreading their bullshit, because although the conscious mind is attracted to this woman and wants to grab her attention, the unconscious mind on the other hand is flexing the muscles while jerking off, pre-ejaculating all over the lost chivalry of mankind.

I was followed home one day by this man who wouldn't take NO for an answer, you can guess how the story started, I was walking (of course) back home and completely lost in my own inner dialogue and conversation, when all of a sudden I see a car pulling to the side of the road and a man walked out and the first thing he thought was clever enough to say to me was 'Why do you look so sad?' Oh, I wanted to tell him all about how I was so heartbroken over Mufasa's death and what a great father he would've been to Simba, and the fact that I was still humming the tune of the theme song and it made me feel like anything is possible, or how I wished that birth control was something people believed in more so the earth wouldn't overpopulate and reach its estimated 9 billion and how I find it scary that for every four deaths there are two lives introduced to this world yet I still found it magical... magically scary, or how I wished I could've bought that Game Of Thrones book instead of that McDonalds chicken burger I went for instead because I was so hungry and like Pooh Bear always says there's rumbly in my tumbly! or how I thought it fascinating that even a six months old baby knows how to lie; even though he or she doesn't actively make the choice to tell a lie instead of a truth but I still thought it fascinating that fake crying is something babies have got over me or why all of a sudden I was feeling so maternal... YET instead I retreated with a simple 'No, bye' and walked away even though he was still insisting, talking and asking questions and all I could think of was: great now I'll always associate Mufasa's death with this idiot in his green beetle-looking car.

I've lost track of my thoughts for a bit there; internal dialogues are weird.

Street harassment is a violation of women's rights, not only that but its a violation of decent human interactions, the way women ignore all of that isn't helping and then again responding to it wouldn't help either, so what is a woman to do, other than walk away and pretend like nothing had happened theres really not much I can do... Except maybe turn to the internet and write a post in order to rant my way out of frustration.

 hooray do I say? 

Lick My College Degree, First

A little intellect never hurt nobody, try and be somebody. I believe that a woman's choice to do/be whatever it is she wants is entirely up to her, I totally support that. I'm not a feminist, nor will I ever claim to be one (I have said that before and yes I do think its worth repeating) I believe in free will, and personal preferences, a woman has the power of reason; within herself, to find a solid -affirmative- answer to why she's doing what she's doing. Here's the thing, I am writing this post out of frustration, for the state of which -some- feminists think they can go, where they have the audacity to compare pop culture figures (and I use the term figures very loosely here) to role models, I am going to get mad, not only that but I might as well bust a cab up your ass! I'm done with that bullshit. Can I live?

**An introductory** 

I have never had a role model, I mean yes; there are women that I feel are outstanding in what they do, and my life had been shaped with powerful women; from my mother (A.K.A the go-getter) to my aunt (A.K.A the beatnik) to my other aunt (A.K.A shit just got real) and last but -certainly- not least my favourite one -may she rest in peace- my aunt the peacemaker (A.K.A the flower child) so with that being said, I think I know a little about my personality's strengths and where it lies, and also I think I know how my individuality came to be what it is today. 

My aunt once gave me a simple advice, that made a lot of difference to the way I handled things; she said: Never allow a man to pay for your dinner if you can pay for it yourself, there's nothing worse -for a woman- to be in this world than a gold-digger, If you have the money to pay for yourself, then never hesitate. Can you guess which aunt said that? From that moment on, I viewed my independence in a completely new way, it really does surprise me -till this day- how few words can carry with them such change. 

**Anyway, lets get back to my source of frustration, enough family rumination**

When I think of pop culture figures, I immediately think: vaginas and hairdos, that's all there is to it, nowadays, isn't it? I haven't lived in the time where John Lennon and Yoko were the equivalent to what Twerking is right now (I should take a step back for I can't believe I just said that) obviously times are changing, and be it the year 2013, where originality; though it might exists, it is rather difficult to find, everything that these female singers are doing -nowadays- is nothing other than the lively-format of 'copy and paste' from someone else. As boring as that is, that is not why I'm frustrated, no, I am frustrated because feminists (that think they can speak for the entire population of women) are holding these singers up on a pedestal, and are over-analysing whatever nonsense coming out of these singers end, I mean, really? are you kidding me? how can you take any of that shit seriously? Basically what I see here, is nothing more  than the war of airheads; one side has no brains whatsoever and the other side has little but no common sense, for they choose to debate with the no-brains side. UGH! LEAVE! 

**Say no to airheads** 

Women are beautiful. There is no denying that, I have actually had an infatuation with nude photography for some time now, there's something so raw and real (can I talk hipster like?) in the bare body of a woman, so confident in displaying it with no signs of shame or embarrassment because of stretch marks or the many other things women tend to complain about. A woman's body is her choice, to do with it as she pleases. That's it. I hate it when the simple act of expressing one's artistry, turns into an ugly acquisition for someone else, to do/say what they want with it, like when feminists poke their noses into such thing as nude photography, stamp their feet and snap their fingers, with a 'no, no, no' because in their opinion, such photography is the grand glorification of women's objectification that they have been fighting against for some time, I wonder if they look at themselves in the mirror, naked, admiring a tan they recently acquired or a toned figure that was the result of recent trips to the gym, and think: oh shit, was I objectifying myself just then?! A woman doesn't simply reduce herself to a mere object by posing nude. Get that through your heads, feminists! 

**Brains then Beauty** 

I value my intelligence deeply, I love to learn all that is I need to learn, about my interests, all of which that shapes me and my way of thinking. A woman that relies solely on her looks will be a beautiful addition to the silent museum of beautiful beings, and then what? without a character there's really nothing sufficient to hold the weight of that beauty; no matter how unreal it is. The problem with this generation (can I talk grandma like?) is they never had to sacrifice anything for the benefit of something else; this fortune allowed us the gift of indulging in things, that perhaps our parents never had the time for; things like, all the social media networks that circulate the daily and day-to-day interactions, young women are more concerned with picking the right profile picture (out of the many duck-lipped selfies that were taken) and then what? post the picture and feel beautiful? Uh... ok. 

Here's how I see it, theres nothing wrong with making beauty your calling card, (I can feel the feminist heat) but honestly that card will get overused then tortured, and in no time, there's nothing exciting in the silent museum of beautiful beings, you feel me? And that is why, I urge my young cousins and any young female I encounter, I always urge them to learn more about what they're passionate about, what it is they're good at, to excel more, find your interests wherever it may be. beauty can only take you so far. 

A woman's body is her choice; if she wants to pose nude, if she wants to sell it, if she wants to set it on fire. It is her choice. Unless a woman is presenting herself as a mere object and nothing else, then that's a different story, other than that, being objectified is really not her fault, but the fault of the male gaze that was trained to view it that way. When a man offers you nothing but compliments and shallow words, learn that this man only sees/cares about the external you, until/unless he learns about the inner you, the internal being, your thoughts, and all that is that shapes your mental state, then know that, he's one of the few good ones. Cause brains triumphs beauty, every damn time. 

**A final word** 

Hey, "so called" feminists, goeth fucketh thyself! 

Put an onion ring on it

Hi, future ex-husband this one for you...

As you can guess from the title (can you guess it? I kill those puns every time man), I am going to talk about the single life but hold up... I am going to explain what it's really like, I am going to shed some light on exactly what this single life is all about. So let's do this thing

First off you should know that I'm writing this post while laying on my coach wearing yesterday's PJ's... that's right, because I have no essence of a dating life, I don't need to get my ass up the coach to do anything... that is anything but fart, of course.

Second off when you're single you don't have to share, let's think about that for a second shall we... Say you go out to the cinema to watch a movie you can order yourself a giant cup of pop-corn and a giant cup of coke, you won't even have to worry about trying to place these cups in a strategic place where they're close to you but far from your date so even if they try to reach out and have some they can't because you'll keep an eye on them to predict when they will be making their movement and as soon as they start to adjust in their seat your ninja reflexes are on fire and it would look as if you were in the fucking Matrix trying to save your precious pop corn from the savage that is your date... Do you see just how exhausting that was? I mean bloody hell, you won't have to worry about that anymore.

Third off when you're single you will be constantly harassed by your friends to "get out there" every single person out there knows what it's like to have a friend or two in a committed relationship who for some reason think just because it worked for them then it must work for you too, so they will try and find you someone, fix you up and all that shit, as if you wore a permanent sign that says Desperate Loser In Need Of A Lay, all the while asking you "Don't you ever wanna find love?" and you know what I would do if I'm in that situation, this is exactly what I would say: "Do you know how many times I find love? whenever I fucking want to. I found love just two hours ago when I went down to the store and bought myself a chocolate cake, a chocolate muffin and a Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip ice cream. Seriously I was in fucking paradise just then. I ain't got to worry about finding love, if I need it I know where to get it. love is my bitch."

Only when you're single do you get to be as dirty as you want to be, only when you're single do you get to be a total selfish asshole and not share anything with anyone... not even fucking air! and finally only when you're single do you ever get to feel like you're the question and the mother-fucking answer.

boobies2die4

I spend the good amount of those last two days researching (which is a fancier term for googling) and listening/reading all things feminist, I have came out of it alive and sane (I think...) but one thing I'm sure of is women have a hard time accepting other women's choices and lifestyles, let me explain...
First thing that I should clear is I'm not a feminist nor do I ever claim to be one, I actually prefer not to self-proclaim any labels (I am a hipster like that) the reason why I say this, is because I simply believe in everyone doing whatever the fuck everyone wants to do Thou shalt do whatever the fuck thou pleases, right? I couldn't possibly put it more bluntly than that!
When it comes to feminism of this day and age its not about women anymore, its not about gender equality, its about more than that. tracing back the history of feminism you'll see how women worked and fought for a better quality of life, for a better chance to work and compete with the male dominates, but today's modern feminists already have that handed for them, I mean they know the path is already half way there, women do have better chances and if they're denied those chances they know how to go about getting them.. of course I'm mostly talking about European cultures and western cultures where oppression (although might exists) doesn't really reflect the majority of women as it does in other parts of the world.
So my dilemma is this: why can't these feminists get along better? I mean they're all working towards the same goal, aren't they? liberation and further advancement of women, so what went wrong, ladies?!
there's this group  that has been making quite the "breaking news" these days on the online community, there's basically a group of women who protests about different things and demand action, but get this, they do it topless... I mean WHAAAAT?! this is the 21st century and a set of boobs are still considered shocking? get real!
I don't mind what this group is doing, I for once actually have no problem with nudity, we've all seen a naked body once or twice before in our lives, nothing special about it, aye? (back me up here, so I won't feel like the only lonely pervert in the room) and those girls know what the men want to see and they deliver it, I actually have read it in many blogs that the only reason the men were here is to see crazy chicks with nice breasts... I mean, hey, least they're honest about it, huh? FEMEN (which is the name of the group, I just realised that I hadn't mentioned them officially by slogan, I guess a 'group of topless protesters' would've been fast and quick publicity, apparently their marketing dept isn't so smart!) is doing what it's doing and it's getting the attention (although it might be the wrong kind of attention, honestly I don't think it will last, I mean seriously breasts could get boring) but they're doing all of this in the name of feminism, which is like a slap in the face and a kick in the butt for the rest of feminists who actually have to cover up and use something else to get attention... their brains! how hard is it for them to do that when you got these perfectly polished women baring their skin to the world and writing only a few words across their chests to demonstrate their message. So basically what you got here is the war between boobs and brains... and the winner is...? C'mon!
My personal problem with FEMEN isn't the nudity, as I've mentioned before (I'm all in for that, never underestimate the power a pair of breasts can have) its something else, I've read about this group and I've seen them in action (obviously you have to go check them out on Vimeo cause YouTube is so old-fashioned and so prude..yuck!) but this group seems really ignorant about other cultures and religions, you have the leader of the group claiming all religions are bad for women, and you know what, that's her opinion, I'm not even going to argue with it, so you have these western women showing no respect or even tolerance for women's choices in a different part of the world, how inconvenient is that? when they claim that all they're doing is freeing women everywhere... I mean call me stupid but how are you going to free a woman when you don't even know her or understand her situation first? what works for you isn't going to work for someone else.
I am not baffled by the attention this group is getting (notice how I keep saying "group" and not "movement" only because if this turns into that then I'm on a first one-way ticket plane to Mars) people seem to care about the topless women rather than the messages those women are trying to get through, and you know why is that, It's because those women don't even know what their message is, they're just standing there naked with a bunch of words scattered across their bodies and thats' that, what is the point to all of this? I honestly have no idea.
I don't want to be attacking this group (I realise I'm starting to sound like my grandma right now) but if you want to "liberate" and "free" women, try to understand their culture and lifestyles first, Muslim women wear Hijab and Burka for all different reasons, and believe it or not they sometime choose it, because THEY WANT IT not because they're being forced to wear it by some stereotypical/dominate Muslim arab male. stop saying things like "Better naked than a burka" because you're not really doing anything but further adding to the objectification of women that honestly doesn't need much help from you.

To examine my earlier statement: women have a hard time accepting other women's choices and lifestyles... I guess I just proved my own point. 

drama mama

People, people... oh those people! Alright so it's been so long since I had a good rant on the internet the reason is I honestly ran out of fucks to give, so obviously since I couldn't be a proper nagging asshole I decided to be just an asshole and shut up for once.. it was kinda working but it's time to take a break.
So this post is entirely dedicated to bitches and by bitches I mean annoying bitches, it is also dedicated to miserable dickheads who need to clam the EFF down! So I'm having a beef today which you can't really describe as one since its not really on my mind per-say but I'm thinking about it right now in order to blog about it so I'm really just nagging to get shit out of my system but it's not really on my system (you follow..?) let me give you the short scope, I hate bitches who try way too much like honestly clam down, your ass is way too hyper for me right now, girls are very sneaky about everything and nothing, its too much like, who cares, you know? they have this big production about everything in their lives, 'oh yesterday i went to get coffee at this place and this really cute guy looked at my direction now i'm sure he wasn't really looking at me since he only did it once, but maybe he was, you know? he was also wearing my fave color and had hair on his head ..... blah blah blah' yeah yeah GIRL BYE!
now to my personal favourite dickheads or male who are tiny bitches... whatever you like, now a man should be a man, I love men who are defined by the beautiful motto "No Fucks Given" they literally jump out of bed and start their day with no absolute reflection of what happened yesterday, they just don't care they really just wanna get the day over with have as much fun as they could and go to sleep to do it all over again tomorrow.
Seriously though in all seriousness I feel like sometimes its just way too much to deal with this, we should have a national holiday and name it 'Protect Me From Your Bullshit -Day'
LORD AMEN! 

Over it

It's crazy this thing called a mood swing. Honestly I've had enough of it, I can't even stand me standing it anymore! So yeah college is kinda being it's old bitchy-self again and it could be the heat or the distance but I'm having a harder time adjusting right now. Really I feel competely pass it, I can't stand the people or the place, the fucking enviornment on its own is getting to me and I can't stand it! it's just like that saying goes I feel like shit and all I could do is just feel it.
What's another ranting post, aye? fuck it, I don't even care anymore, like I said...
I'm. Over. It.