Hi, future ex-husband this one for you...
As you can guess from the title (can you guess it? I kill those puns every time man), I am going to talk about the single life but hold up... I am going to explain what it's really like, I am going to shed some light on exactly what this single life is all about. So let's do this thing
First off you should know that I'm writing this post while laying on my coach wearing yesterday's PJ's... that's right, because I have no essence of a dating life, I don't need to get my ass up the coach to do anything... that is anything but fart, of course.
Second off when you're single you don't have to share, let's think about that for a second shall we... Say you go out to the cinema to watch a movie you can order yourself a giant cup of pop-corn and a giant cup of coke, you won't even have to worry about trying to place these cups in a strategic place where they're close to you but far from your date so even if they try to reach out and have some they can't because you'll keep an eye on them to predict when they will be making their movement and as soon as they start to adjust in their seat your ninja reflexes are on fire and it would look as if you were in the fucking Matrix trying to save your precious pop corn from the savage that is your date... Do you see just how exhausting that was? I mean bloody hell, you won't have to worry about that anymore.
Third off when you're single you will be constantly harassed by your friends to "get out there" every single person out there knows what it's like to have a friend or two in a committed relationship who for some reason think just because it worked for them then it must work for you too, so they will try and find you someone, fix you up and all that shit, as if you wore a permanent sign that says Desperate Loser In Need Of A Lay, all the while asking you "Don't you ever wanna find love?" and you know what I would do if I'm in that situation, this is exactly what I would say: "Do you know how many times I find love? whenever I fucking want to. I found love just two hours ago when I went down to the store and bought myself a chocolate cake, a chocolate muffin and a Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip ice cream. Seriously I was in fucking paradise just then. I ain't got to worry about finding love, if I need it I know where to get it. love is my bitch."
Only when you're single do you get to be as dirty as you want to be, only when you're single do you get to be a total selfish asshole and not share anything with anyone... not even fucking air! and finally only when you're single do you ever get to feel like you're the question and the mother-fucking answer.
As you can guess from the title (can you guess it? I kill those puns every time man), I am going to talk about the single life but hold up... I am going to explain what it's really like, I am going to shed some light on exactly what this single life is all about. So let's do this thing
First off you should know that I'm writing this post while laying on my coach wearing yesterday's PJ's... that's right, because I have no essence of a dating life, I don't need to get my ass up the coach to do anything... that is anything but fart, of course.
Second off when you're single you don't have to share, let's think about that for a second shall we... Say you go out to the cinema to watch a movie you can order yourself a giant cup of pop-corn and a giant cup of coke, you won't even have to worry about trying to place these cups in a strategic place where they're close to you but far from your date so even if they try to reach out and have some they can't because you'll keep an eye on them to predict when they will be making their movement and as soon as they start to adjust in their seat your ninja reflexes are on fire and it would look as if you were in the fucking Matrix trying to save your precious pop corn from the savage that is your date... Do you see just how exhausting that was? I mean bloody hell, you won't have to worry about that anymore.
Third off when you're single you will be constantly harassed by your friends to "get out there" every single person out there knows what it's like to have a friend or two in a committed relationship who for some reason think just because it worked for them then it must work for you too, so they will try and find you someone, fix you up and all that shit, as if you wore a permanent sign that says Desperate Loser In Need Of A Lay, all the while asking you "Don't you ever wanna find love?" and you know what I would do if I'm in that situation, this is exactly what I would say: "Do you know how many times I find love? whenever I fucking want to. I found love just two hours ago when I went down to the store and bought myself a chocolate cake, a chocolate muffin and a Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip ice cream. Seriously I was in fucking paradise just then. I ain't got to worry about finding love, if I need it I know where to get it. love is my bitch."
Only when you're single do you get to be as dirty as you want to be, only when you're single do you get to be a total selfish asshole and not share anything with anyone... not even fucking air! and finally only when you're single do you ever get to feel like you're the question and the mother-fucking answer.
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