reflecting innocence pt.2

I keep thinking that someday we'll meet again
hopefully by then we've grown tired to pretend
hopefully we'll know what each of us is thinking
hopefully we'll realise what we have been missing
sometimes I think that we were meant to be
but timing and people got the better of me
I was never brave to go in alone
I thought it was all better being on your own
soon enough I'll get older and you will too
and this letter would reach you on a summer noon
maybe a life was made for us somewhere away from home
but we were never strong enough to go in, face the unknown.

reflecting innocence

 

 

She is cold. she is a hard-hearted girl she never lets anyone too close and maybe that was the reason why I fell for her, I remember looking at this girl from across the room from me standing leaning on the wall with a cup of beer everyone around her was either talking incredibly loud over the music, two couple standing next to her were kissing, girls standing beside her dancing but she was just standing there looking at a far window she was completely unaware of her surrounding, what was she looking at? Or actually what was she looking for? What was it that she needed that she couldn't find in this room that is filled with all these people. she was the kind of girl that would break your heart because you know you would have to go crazy to fall in love with her, you would go to the deepest and beyond to try and understand her, you would have to let go of everything you thought you knew about girls when you approach her, how could you even approach her? She's the kind of girl that you would obsess over all the little things that she does, the way her hair is always messy doesn't matter if she just woke up or she got dressed to go out but it was her own, no other girl ever had a messy hair like hers. and the way she bites her nails whenever she watches scary films you sit there beside her holding her in you look at how her eyes are full of concern and sympathy for those actors and you wanna tell her that it's okay it's just a movie but you love how she's genuine even to the pretend, or the way she licks her lips whenever she stares at you she doesn't say anything but she never takes her eyes away from you, she pulls you in without saying anything and you wanna stay there wherever it is she's taking you, you know you want to stay there. I loved her if that wasn't obvious enough, I loved her even without knowing her name, I've known her even though I had no idea where she came from, I knew she was it for me she was the girl that would change everything for me, she was the next step for me, how often do you feel that way? I was overwhelmed by those feelings because she was a vision everything about her I wanted to know, every little detail of her past, every little secret, every dark thought, every happy thought, every sad thought, everything she was, everything she is and everything she wanted to become I wanted to know her all…
And till this day I still feel that exact same way.

 

kind of but not really

I AM ONCE AGAIN RESURRECTED!
It's been so long since I last wrote anything mostly because... well, I haven't got much of a reason! but there's a reason (in fact) to why I'm writing today and if you (who I think you are) reading this then by all means this post is dedicated to you.
I fear that as my finals approach I too approach my dreaded habit of neurosis, I don't know what I could possibly say about this past semester except that it has been a huge and giant blur I honestly don't even remember when it started and now somehow its finished... I mean WHAAAAT? how did that happen? really 1+1=2? does the earth even exists? (my jokes have always been painfully unfunny) now finals are up and its the biggest blur of em all oh it's gon' be a doozy, whatever I didn't really want to write this post to rant about my finals but I guess since its my blog, its my rant and its my own ass that's sweating!
Okay so back to my main point, today I have part-taken, nope, scratch that, that was clearly a lie.. I mean since when did I part-take in anything, no. I have been a part (wait for it) of a lovely audience (yep, those are the kind of people that sit there and watch things) of this dead poetry/slang/prose/awesome-everything-else-i-didn't-suspect-ever club, it was cool, it was pretty dope actually, I was in a place that had normal people like they were actually normal and not those stereotypes I have been seeing lately. I am kind of inspired to see that there's still hope somewhere (Yes, yes dark and sad sounding weirdo is back in full action) but seriously it was pretty amazing to see kids writing pieces and expressing themselves and not even afraid of how it might come out, and it wasn't at all off it was cool like a pretentious-free area. alrighty I'm done fangirl-ing cause I actually wanted to say something, you know I might not be the easiest person to get to know, I admit that I'm a bit off sometimes but I really do believe that there's more to people than you think, honestly. I am not a judgemental person never been and never want to be, but I was always a be-by-yourself-cause-Uz-too-fly-guurrl kind of person (how is that for a mouthful?!) I never cared for people as much, I know how awful I sound even as I'm writing this I know that's not entirely true (it's kind of true) I always thought of my life as a journey because a time would come when I would leave everything and everyone behind so this is all "temporary" if you're happy don't believe it its "temporary" if you're sad don't sweat it its "temporary" and I guess that's how everyone else has been seeing me but I never wanted to admit its me. I don't want to sit here and type away thinking I'm better than most people cause I'm not, I'm just an idiot like the rest of them and on top of it I'm awkward too, I mean where do you go from there? So I believe in all of my blabbering I wanted to say something, there's more to people than you think, I could never dismiss someone again for the way they "appear" to be because trust me that same person might be the great great grand son of Einstein and they haven't even discovered it yet.
In conclusion I would like to end by saying we are all in this together... separately. 

17

In the cold night we escape the dark
Leaning in I whisper
'Welcome to my life...
Sweet agony, oh my god, be patient for we are not smart
Let me in clean me out, I wanna begin with a brand new start
Where i'll be a little kid playing thoughtlessly in my father's crib
Oh I wish I'd never have to face the amount of pain I'll later embrace
I wish I could just stay still and never encounter the devil's grin
I wish I never had to make any friend, just so I could get an enemy instead
I wish I knew how much my childhood meant, I would have never left my parents bed
I wish I've known my mother's love, waking up at six o'clock
Ensuring that I always rest, she stays up by my bed
Showing me affection in every way, at seventeen it's hard to say
"I love you mom with all my heart" you're the light that guides me through the coldest nights
The power it took me to leave you behind, I always ask myself the reason why
I never knew how much you meant to me, you only fight me just to save me
You made me who I am today, tomorrow is coming to change that away
The world isn't as magical as you said, I'm afraid to take one step
Don't look back at how things used to be, this is Me this is my reality
Oh lord, please remember me I'm the girl with the empty dairy
with nothing to write and nothing for you to read
It's save to say I've lived enough to see
My life in all it's glory in every picture there's a story
Set the fire watch it burn, taking away all my desire.'

To those that matter

One thing I feel so passionate about is Teen Suicide, I am completely against it i can't stress how much my heart aches every time I hear that a teen has taken their own life. Suicide is never an option to me I don't see it as taking the easy way out because there's nothing easy about making that decision,  although to some it may take a small situation that would trigger such strong emotions that in the heat of the moment they will decide that nothing matters anymore. Teenagers need to realise one thing and one thing only Life is so much more than being a teenager in high school, first of all high school isn't the prime of your life, not even college is, high school is a period in time where you might have it good or might have it bad but eventually it does end, don't feel bad because you're being bullied and people hate you or starting gossip about you, because guess what, in life you will find people like that, some people would hate you right on the spot for the way you dress the way you talk whatever it is they will judge you right on the spot and they will remain consistent with that judgement, and they will be people who would bully you non stop to get some sort of reaction form you all of this happens like its nothing, like there's no consequences whatsoever and most of the time there isn't. 

You need to realise that if all of this is happing and you feel like you are not loved you don't belong, you don't have anyone… guess what YOU do and that person is YOURSELF. respect and love and appreciate your individuality, wear your flag high, the moment you realise just how precious you are and how important your life is and can be you will become transformed completely, you need to understand that you can make something of yourself, and i'm not talking about a fairytale i'm talking about you going to college finding a major that interests you working for an organisation that you love, doing volunteer work, marrying someone, sharing your life with others all of this is so normal and can happen to anyone, and as normal and universal that is it is also magical and beautiful. 

Don't waste your time on those who are wasted, those are the people that don't matter and in the grand picture they are not even there. Read books, watch movies, listen to music, get inspired, become motivated, discover your interests, find your idols, get a plan, work, work even harder, set a goal, achieve that goal, then set another one… realise just how much you could do. 

Please don't ever let anyone bring you down. feel comfortable in your skin and become your own person. 

maybe the best words are the ones left unspoken

I saw this video on the internet recently that truly made me question myself, a teenage girl committed suicide after being constantly bullied by her peers, now let's think about that for a second this is certainly not the first teen suicide story nor will it be the last (the fact that it had became so common to hear about them brings me chills) what shocked me was the cruelty of the people bulling her, obviously bullies are cruel, though there's no justification for it but they are I was just sad over how she needed somebody to be there for her and she couldn't find any. Teenagers tend to be so dramatic and that is understandable everything is sort of blown out of proportion they tend to think that high school is the prime time (which it isn't) but they want the friends, the social life, the relationships... etc. the moment they leave high school and grow up and start working they'll realise there's more to life than a Facebook    relationship status.
I only wish that the girl could've waited a little, if only she had made some sort of a plan or set a goal to when she gets out of high school, to look at the long run where does she see herself but there's no use to saying this now, I only hope other teens would now be more appreciated of their own lives, I don't know what else is there to say. 

drama mama

People, people... oh those people! Alright so it's been so long since I had a good rant on the internet the reason is I honestly ran out of fucks to give, so obviously since I couldn't be a proper nagging asshole I decided to be just an asshole and shut up for once.. it was kinda working but it's time to take a break.
So this post is entirely dedicated to bitches and by bitches I mean annoying bitches, it is also dedicated to miserable dickheads who need to clam the EFF down! So I'm having a beef today which you can't really describe as one since its not really on my mind per-say but I'm thinking about it right now in order to blog about it so I'm really just nagging to get shit out of my system but it's not really on my system (you follow..?) let me give you the short scope, I hate bitches who try way too much like honestly clam down, your ass is way too hyper for me right now, girls are very sneaky about everything and nothing, its too much like, who cares, you know? they have this big production about everything in their lives, 'oh yesterday i went to get coffee at this place and this really cute guy looked at my direction now i'm sure he wasn't really looking at me since he only did it once, but maybe he was, you know? he was also wearing my fave color and had hair on his head ..... blah blah blah' yeah yeah GIRL BYE!
now to my personal favourite dickheads or male who are tiny bitches... whatever you like, now a man should be a man, I love men who are defined by the beautiful motto "No Fucks Given" they literally jump out of bed and start their day with no absolute reflection of what happened yesterday, they just don't care they really just wanna get the day over with have as much fun as they could and go to sleep to do it all over again tomorrow.
Seriously though in all seriousness I feel like sometimes its just way too much to deal with this, we should have a national holiday and name it 'Protect Me From Your Bullshit -Day'
LORD AMEN!