First Date: #1
(The classic dinner)
Cheesy Guy: "Wow. You are so beautiful. Excuse me while I adjust to this insanity of beauty that is you."
Girl: "Um.... thanks."
Show-off Prick: "You know, I never been to this place before, I'm always popping at them *insert SUPER expensive restaurant names here*"
Girl: "So.... what do you usually do in your free time?"
Awful Douche bag: "You know, partying and fucking at some more parties, you know?!!" *LOUD obnoxious laugh*
Girl: "Sounds like fun..." *inside voice: THE FUCK I'M DOING HERE?!?!?!*
Cheesy Guy: "Baby... hey baby, I know you're wearing that dress like that to make me jealous.." *creepy staring*
Girl: "I actually have school tomorrow, so can we...."
Cheesy Guy: "Oh you have school tomorrow? What you have homework or something?"
Girl: "Yes."
Nasty Guy: "Well baby, how about me and you go home and I do some "work" for you?" *creepy/cheesy/asshole-y wink*
Girl: "I'm actually getting tired of this bull..."
Asshole: "Yeah baby, you do look tired. Must be from carrying Dem boobs all day, how about I hold 'em for you?" *creepy giggle followed by creepy staring*
Girl: *silent glaring*
Asshole: "Baby, let me be honest with you..." *Pause for dramatic reason* "I never get this feeling I'm getting right now, and you know when I do... I need me some..."
Girl: "Let me guess.. You need some sexual healing?"
Dickface: "THAT'S RIGHT BABY! Damn baby... you is..."
Girl: "Listen to me, Ass wipe. First of all: I'm not your baby nor will I ever be your baby. Second of all I have no idea what the fuck you think you're doing, but this is not the way to impress a woman and it's definitely not the way to get her wet, you got that Dickweed?"
Asshole: "I jus..."
Girl: "No, I'm not done talking. Third of all you think this fake swag is getting you somewhere, let me be the first to tell you that it won't. You look and sound like an ass clown, and no offense to asses or clowns. If you want to finish this date, you're going to have to start acting like a normal fucking person, OK?"
Asshole: "Yea..."
Girl:"Stop! don't start talking again until you pull your mouth out of your ass, I don't want to hear more of your bullshit. We're going to sit here and enjoy a dinner like the rest of these civilized folk, and we're not going to get jiggy afterward. So no more "my dick is happy he 'came' just for you" nonsense. I'm a woman, not a fucking vagina with breasts. Don't let me say this again, OK?"
Asshole:"Ok. I'm sorry..."
Girl:"Apology accepted. Now what are you ordering... What's your name again?"
Guy:"I'm Mike. And you're Selena. It's nice to meet you."
Girl:"OK, Mike. Let's get this date over with.. Shall we?"
(The classic dinner)
'Hey asshole, I'm not done talking'
Cheesy Guy: "Wow. You are so beautiful. Excuse me while I adjust to this insanity of beauty that is you."
Girl: "Um.... thanks."
Show-off Prick: "You know, I never been to this place before, I'm always popping at them *insert SUPER expensive restaurant names here*"
Girl: "So.... what do you usually do in your free time?"
Awful Douche bag: "You know, partying and fucking at some more parties, you know?!!" *LOUD obnoxious laugh*
Girl: "Sounds like fun..." *inside voice: THE FUCK I'M DOING HERE?!?!?!*
Cheesy Guy: "Baby... hey baby, I know you're wearing that dress like that to make me jealous.." *creepy staring*
Girl: "I actually have school tomorrow, so can we...."
Cheesy Guy: "Oh you have school tomorrow? What you have homework or something?"
Girl: "Yes."
Nasty Guy: "Well baby, how about me and you go home and I do some "work" for you?" *creepy/cheesy/asshole-y wink*
Girl: "I'm actually getting tired of this bull..."
Asshole: "Yeah baby, you do look tired. Must be from carrying Dem boobs all day, how about I hold 'em for you?" *creepy giggle followed by creepy staring*
Girl: *silent glaring*
Asshole: "Baby, let me be honest with you..." *Pause for dramatic reason* "I never get this feeling I'm getting right now, and you know when I do... I need me some..."
Girl: "Let me guess.. You need some sexual healing?"
Dickface: "THAT'S RIGHT BABY! Damn baby... you is..."
Girl: "Listen to me, Ass wipe. First of all: I'm not your baby nor will I ever be your baby. Second of all I have no idea what the fuck you think you're doing, but this is not the way to impress a woman and it's definitely not the way to get her wet, you got that Dickweed?"
Asshole: "I jus..."
Girl: "No, I'm not done talking. Third of all you think this fake swag is getting you somewhere, let me be the first to tell you that it won't. You look and sound like an ass clown, and no offense to asses or clowns. If you want to finish this date, you're going to have to start acting like a normal fucking person, OK?"
Asshole: "Yea..."
Girl:"Stop! don't start talking again until you pull your mouth out of your ass, I don't want to hear more of your bullshit. We're going to sit here and enjoy a dinner like the rest of these civilized folk, and we're not going to get jiggy afterward. So no more "my dick is happy he 'came' just for you" nonsense. I'm a woman, not a fucking vagina with breasts. Don't let me say this again, OK?"
Asshole:"Ok. I'm sorry..."
Girl:"Apology accepted. Now what are you ordering... What's your name again?"
Guy:"I'm Mike. And you're Selena. It's nice to meet you."
Girl:"OK, Mike. Let's get this date over with.. Shall we?"
-The end-
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