Those words

I wanted to tell him how I felt, right there where he was standing, I wanted to go up to him and tell him, what I’ve always longed to say, what I’ve always dreamed of saying but never had the chance to. He stood there, staring at me from a distance, he had a girl with him, she was talking and laughing and she seemed like one of those girls you took out of a movie screen, so beautiful and so alive. His friends stood together in a group, everyone talking with each other, admiring their stories and their lives. The girl seemed to be the center of that group, everyone looked at her, all those that stood far from her leaned in to hear what she had to say, and she held everything and everyone without much of an effort. She was the kind of girl that you admire and you simply had to, you aren’t left with much choice.

I kept looking at him, maybe If l looked enough I would gather up the courage to go over and talk to him, or maybe If I looked enough, I would memorize his face, his features and have them forever stored in my memory, whenever I’m alone, wherever life takes me I would still have his image with me, I would always remember him the way he looked tonight, so young and so invincible.

I can’t ever believe that we went wrong, now that I can see him within an approachable distance from me; I wonder why we didn’t make it. I loved him and he loved me. I was his world and he was mine. But what happened? He knew me, inside and out. The parts of me that I was scared of ever showing anyone, I showed them to him, he was there holding my hand, holding me closer to him when I was at my darkest self. He knew everything there was to know about me, and I knew him… I loved him; I’ve loved him more than I loved anyone. I believed in him, I stood by him and I trusted him. To me, he was the truth and the reason.

We were only teenagers when our story begun to write itself, maybe we didn’t know how to be anything but teenagers in love. We didn’t want to grow up and face the world, but when we finally had to, we realized that we couldn’t face it together.

That was then, and this is now. He’s not mine and I’m not his, and we’re not together. How weird is it that everything we were and everything we’ve ever shared, means absolutely nothing now because we’re not together anymore. He’s over there with the new girl, he has to make some new memories now that will replace ours, and he’s going to start sharing with her. And that time that was once ours is gone; this is their time now. I don’t belong in this time. And I’ll never will.

And just like that, I stood up and held my bag, walked over to the exit door; this was all I had to do. Simply exit. He won’t follow me and I won’t expect him to, and those words I so longed to say are written in this piece of paper. And are now burned with it.