Red light

Do you ever feel weird and out-of-place for no apparent reason? I mean the conversation is going, the food is fine, the company isn't bad, the "hot" topic in discussion isn't at all that dull but somehow you just can't jump in, not because you can't but because you don't want to. first of all I have no clue why I'm typing "you" when it's clear that I'm talking about myself, it's even worse that I know I'm the only one who's going to read this.. any-whos here this isn't what I was talking about. I don't know why or actually when I became so... how do I put it, absent-minded.. yeah this would fit right in. My friends have always seen in me this "indifference" which I don't even know where I acquired it from, I try very hard not to show it I try to blend in with the crowd but in the end I fail and fall right on my ass. I wish it wasn't like that, I honestly do. Sometimes I catch myself wondering and chasing those what-ifs..  what if I was a bit more social? what if I was the caring one? what if I was the one who brought everyone together? what if what if what if...etc.
Sometimes I think that the whole "individualism" thing is bullshit, really it was just another fancy term that lonely people (preferably hipsters) invented to make themselves sound interesting and to look down on the naive idiot (but actually happy and normal) man.
In the end nobody is pleased, everyone has something to complain about, everyone has something they don't like, be it "too much attention" or "not enough attention" no one is happy, period.
of course this is just my own personal view of the external world... but what do I know, I'm more "typical" than I'd like to admit.