Untitled

I often look and ask
Without a direction or past
I lose my call and wander on
To where no clouds surround
Maybe love exists in places
Where hearts yet to claim
Or maybe I'm just hopeless
Waiting to be claimed.
Years they pass by and little
Did I notice
The people that I love either gone
Or left me broken
It was 'me' this 'always me'
That made a great deal out of misery
Words can't wound the soul it broke
So why would you come back to hurt me more?
Once we had it so close to magic
I always knew love is sweet but also tragic
It takes two and only a habit
To go as far as others allow it
And in the end takes only one
To break a heart leave it and run
Days are the same with or without
The family we choose to trust and doubt
And how many times can we say
We're okay you can take it away
How twisted is this circle gonna be
Next time around you won't even see
Lies isolating everyone you knew
In the morning you're replaced by someone new.
 

individuality pains

Today was no different, my feelings haven't changed I thought I'd give myself some time to think I don't need space, truthfully I can't stand to have more space. I feel fine until someone gets too close to me. Sometimes I feel horrible for thinking the way I do the last thing I want him to feel is that I'm using him, I swear to you I'm not. I want him to find someone who deserves him, a girl who would take care of him and make him happy there's still time. I can't be to him what so many other girls can. It kills me everyday to have to be so cold but I need him to see that I'm wrong for him, as cliche as it is but I'm not the one, he shouldn't love me. I'm screwed up inside and it's too late for a fixing.

Crazy/beautiful

Since I'm on my memory lane and reminiscing when I was sixteen, I thought it fit to talk about one of the films I saw then that changed me so much and still have the exact imapct on me now as it did when I saw it for the first time.
Alright so this film is bascially the reason I became an indie junkie! I loved the colors, the outfits, the filming of the ocean, the photographs of the relationship and the places, the music score, the intimacy and how everything just fit everything else.
My definition of a great film, isn't how big it is with effects or bullshit, no. it's how close to the heart everything feels. the reason why I love indie flicks so much its because I love the simplicity and closeness of it or maybe I'm just lame.
Everyone knows how music playing over still images is major art.. you learn that on the first day of never.shot.a.film.in.my.life course so it's no secret how This Year's Love is another reason why this film is so dear to me, the vocals on that song gives me chills.. every single time.
This film brings joy and tears to me and I suck at explaining why, all I know is that it's a great film and if it went on for 7 hours I would watch it... without a bathroom break.

"And I've been waiting on my own too long
But when you hold me like you do
It feels so right."

 

16

Keep a sad song, let it play
for you to call yourself "depressed everyday"
walk away honey, that's all you do
keep saying your grace you know you can't break through
one hand on your face, one hand holding the door
dreams and mistakes lost inside your two worlds
you're young honey, but not anymore
your world just got empty
your happiness left home.