Detachment

Happiness escapes me to free itself, leaving my emptiness completely untouched. Cowardly I suffer within an absence filled with an inextricable silence, speaking is impossible here.

I fell into his arms like a refugee, soaking in a lonely cry of a sadness I could never dare to share. His arms spread it's roots out, walked me slowly through the darkness; this long agony I wanted to burst open, to wreck all the ugly in the world, till my smile is pure again. I want to feel whole again. Please hold me again.

Hardness, hardness, hardness.

This world is so hard on my mouth, my language is so black, so afraid, so ashamed, so aware I'm tired of it.

People are voices lost in translation, how do I bring my own voice to life, when my speech could never sustain itself against the vast distance.

I never recovered from the taste of betrayal. I only collapsed and forgiveness became insufferable after. What is the meaning of torment, when the past will always remain an unresolved chapter?

It's so strange to think, I woke up from a dream to write this. 

Weight

I'm sorry that it's never how it's supposed to be, you straighten your back at the table, watching his lips dry of a language he smoked

I'm sorry he never showed himself, to you, when he posed himself, in front of you, imposed himself as an arrow, condemning you to a bitter side

I'm sorry you stop the conversations in your head when you're around him, fumbling to fill your cup under his conflicted breath

I'm sorry for the two different faces, that hide inside your pretty, how your anger never ceased, turning a desert of your tender heart

I'm sorry for all the times, you kissed the necks of loverlikes, you couldn't bear to love, with their cold hands squeezed between your thighs

I'm sorry for all the times he dropped in unannounced, carrying his hurt past, ringing your door bell past midnight calling for your arms

I'm sorry that all he left behind, was a trail, leading to his spirit memory, saying: I almost loved you

I'm sorry that his name falls into your  stomach like burning coal, why you bury yourself in seclusion, I'm sorry I was never a good friend to you

I'm sorry his voice crawls to your shoulders, like a rain cloud, dropping you to your knees in desperate hours of loneliness

I'm sorry that he made you watch life, with the sort of despair that turned your heart against you, to re-wound you, whenever you thought of escaping his clever lies

I'm sorry that it takes repugnance to rub his scent of your rough skin, always on your guard, damning you to a little room to keep his heat alive

I'm sorry that he emptied the fullness of your laughter, how you glance back with a flat gaze, unmoved by any banter

I'm sorry that nobody ever knew, how his dark thoughts touched you, to define and defile you as 'another thing he couldn't fix nor understand'

I'm sorry that you believed him

I'm sorry that you still do

I'm sorry he made a coffin of your dreams, kept you waiting in a tired half love, never much of a goodbye to catch your tears once again

I'm sorry I only wonder about you, shamefully, without the slightest intention to outstretch my hand, to know how you are doing now

I'm sorry