Undeserving

your son is undeserving of love, forgive me, as i write this i do apologize, echoing a name i am learning to erase off my mind, these bottled memories carry cruelty; a pain that does not belong in poetry for the bitter heaviness it holds down. 


your son is undeserving of love, this softness is an ocean spilling from an open chest, rubbed against the demons he laid ahead, i broke my heart trying to teach kindness to the unkind, my arms stretched in spite of every scar he learnt to cover my body with; a body that was always left half-eaten, broken & wounded in cries. 


your son is undeserving of love, this heart of mine ached in lonely nights; too many to count, for a love i held in scattered parts, trying desperately to patch a worn-out romance. i have loved a man with my entire heart, painfully set my own self aside; each day i waited for him to un-skin the devils, musings & offerings of the dark, &journey back safely into my arms. 


your son is undeserving of love. for all the ugliness he sneaked into my mouth; his love was the burdening tragedy i taught myself how to endure, clutching screams for help without once making a sound. 


your son is undeserving of love. forgive me for thinking i could teach him how to love. 


yet i really tried.