Of Darkness (A Farewell)

we write to make sense of the non-sense, to silence the gloom we are doomed to endure. memories are deadly, writers glue the pieces to heal, yet healing is never granted, only far-sighted glimpses scattered in moments that forever pass. 

my friend found peace the night she overdosed, suicide was laughable & honesty feared to realize the weight of that word, i think i could’ve done more, no, i know i couldn’t, our souls were only companions when lighthearted air circulated her lonely room. 

loneliness is a disease, this heart rests in ashes of horrors it utters in its sleep. restless sleep. my feet moves to an odd rhythm, inescapable of the ungodliness of this world. this world, an interlude that keeps stretching in repetition of echoes & phrases without a final note. 

i pray the way my mother taught me, in remembrance of blessings showered & found with the quivering of birds, but my lord this continuing is suffering & suffering has made a home in each room. 

forgive me for i am ungrateful. 

I express to regret, & my mind is caught handling dreadful monologues. again. 

the soul dies battling a lifetime of grief. 

the youth is lost, in-finding a meaning; of substance to last. away.. it keeps spreading away. oh lord, forgive me. the quivering of birds no longer consumes me. & i yield instead for the impossible embrace of understanding. waiting, with an isolated phrase, honesty can not dare speak. 

Heal(ing)

Writing is solitary, sailing through the passing of time, in remembrance of all that is, all that was, & all that is caught in-between. I pray God hears every expression, & every plea for meaning; for an opening of yet another door – for a comfort in-meaning. 

One day, the terror & ecstasy will not endure, one day the tinted eye will see the chaos from its own hands; not as a work of art, but the sealed remains of a whole, extinct within a lost & borrowed time. 

The pale blue light penetrates the empty room in search of what remains; the tug of distant memories, battling disillusionment, falling into complete silence, this heart is seized, shakes, refusing to utter forgiveness. 

The waves at times slobbering, often trembles, but mostly  crashes down in fragments, for one to pull themselves out of the dead grease, that is difficult. 

i dip my feet, & swim the frozen waves to find warmth, to find meaning, to find truths, to find myself, once again.