Her

I don't know how to write to you
I'm not even sure writing is what
I want to do when it comes to you
I wish I could see myself through your eyes
Please be sure that I've never once dreamed of that
I only wish to understand
"Why Me?" isn't what comes to mind
I want to see myself through your eyes
So I can be that woman you think I am
I want to be her learn all her lines
Do whatever it is she does
To have me constantly on your mind
I want to be her to open up and talk to you
Conversations are every bit as exciting and new
I want to be her the one you need to always see
The one that'll make you forget everyone that came before me
I want to be her the one that gives her all to you
Without ever second guessing or doubting you
I want to be her even if its just pretend
I don't care...
She gets to have you in the end

The game

The truth comes easily and so clear to me now, I don’t love him… I’ve never loved him. I don’t have to pretend anymore, he knows it was all a lie. Everything I felt and forced myself to feel only out of a sick need to be adored and admired. But it wasn’t a need that anyone could please or fulfill, surely not anyone. I thought that he would properly be sufficient, even more than that, I thought he would be the one to finally satisfy me, and maybe he did, the first time we’ve met and the few times after that, maybe I did feel something but I was never sure if that something was true if that something was it. After all, all I got from him were these maybes, these uncertainties, and I hate myself for doing what I did, for the lies, the acts, the pretending and all of that. I’ve never set out to hurt him; he was just unfortunate enough to be the only man my eyes saw that one night.

“Men don’t know how to love, they only know how to possess” my mother taught me that. And it’s true; I’ve had my share of men to know how true that is. I was always a prize to them, something they wanted to obtain, never really cared who I am, it was always about the chase and once they had me they wanted to show me off, for a little time that is, they took me to all the fancy parties, bought me the expensive dresses and made me feel like I was their queen, all the showering of affection, the nice empty words they've whispered, the holding of hands and waiting for the camera flash to go off once it did my hand got dropped within an instant.

I got accustomed to the game, I knew what they wanted from me and I knew what I had to give, but everything at a time, all a calculation; when to be shy and nervous, when to be passionate and aggressive and when to be distant and cold. When it was all over, I start again with someone else; a different player but nevertheless the same game.

I know how terrible I sound, and you’re free to judge me but if you don’t know what it’s like then you can’t blame me. I never asked for this, I never wanted to be like this, this cold hearted woman with nothing to give but a play-on-play, a textbook moves and affectionate embraces that I’ve grown tired to do.

When you’re used to being used you become somewhat of a numb pathetic excuse for everything, I’ve never known what it’s like to be loved, truly loved by someone else. My father was never around and I don’t even remember him to be angry with him, my mother only taught me how to survive in life, ever since I was a child she brought me up to realize that life is a vicious game and we all play along, the weak and the innocent have no place and they’re quickly cut out. And when it came to love the only thing she said to me: “love is a lie we make ourselves believe and when we’re left alone, hurtin’ we’re angry ‘cause it deceived. Be smart honey, that’s all you can be. Play the game to get to where you need to be. Your looks will go away and when that happens you’ll see; a man will never love you the way you think you deserve to be.”

He will soon come back just to leave me, he’ll say his goodbyes and he’ll walk out that door, like all the rest of them did before him. Never again will I let myself slip away like this, he was never good for me. He made me crazy and jealous and I’m never those things. Maybe I’ve confused the lust for love, maybe it was the deep desire I felt for him, maybe it was the comfort that his company brought me or maybe it was the fact that he was the first man who never tried to buy my feelings.

Maybe... all I know is a few maybes.

An Encounter

They call my name in the distance
The devil inviting me to listen
He waves at me smiling
'It's okay, stop hiding
Go in there, take it out
Every feeling scream it loud
The knife is your key, can you see?
To live a life down here with me
I'll be your friend I'll talk to you
Of how much I hate those people too
They're not like us, they're different!'
He screams at me from a distance
As hard as I try to ignore it
His presence had me calling
The evil in the world seems to me
Has won it's battles constantly
And only now do I see
This life never belonged to me
He grins wide at the assumption
'Little girl, that's their impression
Join us here, you'll see
Your dreams as they're made to be'
A burning urge cuts through my chest
To burry myself in the wild dust
Tomorrow another day will come
Another mission left undone
By then my dreams will differ
I'll be long lost inside this river.

A lovers dialogue pt.3

Blind Date: #1

'Are you sure that's you?!'

 

Guy: You look nothing like your profile picture!

 

Girl: Is that a compliment?

 

Guy: More of a statement.

 

-Awkward Silence-

 

Girl: So you just moved here? how do you like it so far?

 

Guy: S'right. I knew a lot people around here from Facebook before I moved so the transition wasn't difficult. People were friendly... still you can't believe everything on Facebook. *glaring*

 

Girl: Yeah people here are super friendly you won't ever feel homesick.

 

Guy: Right. You don't mind me asking... how old are you?

 

Girl: That's a red flag right there

 

Guy: I mean I'm just saying... hope you're not a cougar or anything  

 

Girl: You know what? You're so rude, how dare you?!

 

Guy: Clam down, it was just a joke... kind of.

 

Girl: if you must know I've had a few bad months and I'm still recovering from that...

 

Guy: What you fought the devil or something? It looks like he won..

 

Girl: I had a severe emotional stress and it took it's tool on me

 

Guy: Wow... okay let's try and move on from that

 

Girl: You're not so perfect yourself, you know? you don't resemble your profile picture that much!

 

Guy: Yeah.. I had an afro back then that I got rid of now, but I didn't get rid of my entire face, placed a different face there and photoshopped that one and then put it as my profile picture.

 

Girl: It can't be that bad...

 

Guy: No, no honey trust me. It's bad. I thought I was getting a Beyoncé but I got a Whoopi Goldberg instead.

 

Girl: That's just wrong...

 

Guy: Well how do you think that makes me feel? I had so many expectations, man... I mean shit. all I got was shit.

 

-Awkward Silence-

 

Girl: You know what I'll leave if I'm making you this uncomfortable but just remember that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder, OK?

 

Guy: Well in that case you'd be so lucky to get a blind bastard

 

Girl: Why are you such an ass? Are looks the only thing you want in someone?

 

Guy: Why yes, they're quite important... and I'm just trying to prepare you for the rejection you'll face more of later on in life, I mean if anything I'm actually doing you a favor. You should just quit while you're ahead.

 

Girl: Well you can keep your favors to yourself. I don't need help, especially not from the likes of you. I might have "photoshopped" my face on my profile picture, but it's still mine. I might look different now than that pretty happy girl on Facebook, but that's still me. And if that picture was only getting me shallow men like yourself then today I'm taking it off and I'll go post a new one of my face right now as it is, without any make up, without any re-touches.

 

Guy: Good luck with that

 

Girl: Good luck living as a superficial dick for the rest of your life.

 

-The end-

 

 

Zoe

 Zoe Saldana, I think I'm in lesbian

with you.



Zoe I have been getting these feelings lately

I've been seeing so much of you lately

On TV on YouTube and even Vimeo baby

You're so pretty so witty and so sexy

Your eyes are as pure as the sea's shore

Your hair is as flawless as the full moon

Your voice... oh what is there to say about your voice?

I would listen to you in my darkest hours

Only you would guide me with just a whisper.

Zoe what a beautiful sight you are

What a breath of fresh air you are

Your thoughts complete these parts of me

These confused, rejected, unwanted parts of me

How do you do it?

Nobody's perfect and I won't argue with that

But you're that beautiful imperfection I've always heard about

You have a new movie coming out that I know will change my life

You're playing Nina Simone and no one wants to believe in that

But I do believe in you Zoe, I know you won't let me down

You're every bit the queen as Nina is to my eyes

Keep going Zoe don't let their words bring you down

You're the perfect symphony the world is yet to understand.