Remedies

Are you conscious of the space 

your absence creates? 

I believe that we as human beings, are more complex than we think, but not as nearly as we act to be. I have discovered a pattern recently that had set my whole being into a state of disturbance; similar to an out-of-control noise making machine, or one of those trashy lights you see at cheap clubs, that are too shockingly bright, they blind. I've discovered that I lose myself everyday, that my peace of mind, my vibe (I love that one word) was fleeing away, and I didn't know how to get it to stay. Everyday is different, though it might not seem that way to the outside eye, everyday I learn something different, I unlearn something, shifting my perception in the right way, I feel different; every waking moment, carries with it a new emotion or sensation, penetrating my walls, and exposing my light to the world. Its everything. I want to find myself again. I want to reconnect again.

I'm interested in people; more specifically their minds, hearts, spirits, and the different atoms that shape their personalities. My curiosity is like a burning candle, heating its surrounding, providing warmth and most importantly lighting a fire of connection, and leaving ashes of understanding. Coincidences sparking conversations, exchanging ideas, jumping on frequencies, and unravelling truths. I've realised that people have nothing to hide, once they are shown that there's no reason to, remember when we used to complain about trust, how many of us didn't demonstrate their trustworthiness to begin with? And that will come about, once you let yourself be shown. I grew, moulding myself into a fixed structure, I did not know how many layers of cynicism, I've sought to suffocate myself with, I fell hard into a bottomless pit, reaching up only to knock myself back down, all the while thinking: 'familiar is comfortable' I think it was the lies I told myself, that kept me captive for so long.

My heart is anxious, but its also sacred. A gift of intensely feeling everything, always sparked an interest in me, and quite a few people seemingly intimidating but actually courageous, held that gift. Fear is real, I've always wondered about the person(s) I'll pour portions of myself into. I lust for a conversation at 2AM, spending hours thinking and painting words, the other person, beside me, with a canvas laid out in front of us. Go. Go. It's that simple. Love does not know fear, you do. From my experiences, we start with cautious and deliberate, with both sides offering secondhand flattery, skilfully playing a game of hide-and-seek, only to realise, that both armours weren't conquered, preventing anything raw from entering. I crave to find a connection, in the empty spaces between words, to awaken truths in the other person, to feel together, and learn together, I don't believe in prerequisites or promises, no matter where we both end up; even if apart, I'd be comforted knowing that, I carried a piece of them with me and they did the same. I desire intensity, the sort of beauty that captures everything.

In my solitude, there's serenity.
In my heart, there's hope.
In my mind, there's curiosity.
In my soul, there's patience.
In my life, there's good.