Read To You

All they've spent their time doing, was loving one another, they fell miserably in love for each other, falling free, passing every limitation, every boundary, they once upon a time set. A destiny changes it's course, when met with a powerful force, that is another destiny, one that is craving after love, attraction, stimulation, and companionship. He was a man looking for the one, she was a woman looking for herself.

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'Tell me..' she spoke while tracing her fingers through his back, he had a fading scar on the back of his left shoulder, she remembered the story he told her, when he was a kid, going on adventures on the playground, and how he cut his shirt, and scarred his skin, trying to squeeze himself through a locked gate, she remembered the joy, she had felt, and the big smile painting her face, when she unraveled another part of him, a part that is so dear and filled with hope.

'Tell me about forever', silence brushed the air, after these words crumbled to the ground, making little to no sound, he turned around to face her, the woman he dreams of waking up next to every day, the woman he dreams would bear his children, the woman who eclipsed every other woman, the woman who had one foot at the door, lost to her inner wars.

'The home.. I found in the open void, in the comfort of a quiet eternity; you.' 

'But we are not the same in so many ways'

'Yes, we've shown one another a different translation of the same passage, inside a text we've spent our entire lives trying to understand. I can't promise you I'll end your sadness, I am not the one underlining it with a black marker. What I promise you I'll do is; sit beside you, until you realise those sentences you keep repeating, have no secret lesson to teach you, and you are only hurting yourself by digging up your buried past for empty closures.'

'What if patience turns weary?'

'It will, it has before, and somehow I always find myself back at your door.'

'What if love dies of waiting?'

'Love never dies, it grows beyond that'

'How are you so sure?'

' "Doubt thou the stars are fire, 
   Doubt thou the sun doth move, 
   Doubt truth to be a liar, 
   But never doubt I love."

Keep reading, my love... The book is nowhere near done. It is yearning to be read and to be undone. '

Open Letter To My Father

At the shores of silence, we are embraced by all the words we lost to time, the most painful; the ones that never really stood a chance

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Father, a part of me, parted into the deep in search of you, undoing tongue-ties of you, sewing threads to memories of you

Mother broke over night, I prayed for peace, I watched the moon turn grey-blue, lost in grieving you, on her shoulders I cried for you

Your voice still lingers in the mist of morning, awakening the ruins of people; buried deep in colorless dreams. Your people, turning, tossing each day, learning to live again

I glimpsed your ghost, wandering in passing, waving in difficult distance, without a mere willingness to surrender to my alone crumbled longing

I'm half chained, sleepwalking, this  world seems larger than my knowing; pale, plain and printing expired meanings to a season of dwelling

Your secret language haunts me, I hardly squeeze your name in conversations anymore, my heart is lost, looking for it's missing pieces, echoing for a place of belonging

You left without a warning, without the comforting sound of a final promise, in the deserted haze of a hushed hour, nobody was ready to let you go, Father

How could you just leave..

Because of you

Faith stood suspended on a tightrope, I forgot the sound of heavens, hollow hazy promises tweaked my dry throat, because of you

People twist the mountains to sweat the sadness temporarily, to wipe memories off their tired eyelids they laugh furiously, because of you

These walls wrapped themselves in breaths of you, emptying a home that killed every sound in wait for you, wouldn't stand on its own two feet, because of you

These corners plunged to blank days crushed in secret sorrows, voiceless weeping, thickness that aches for you, bursting with agonies, because of you

Every lullaby ends with words; heavy scattered words, drifting into the vague unknown, containing only one wish: to have you back home

Father,

This weight is slowly smoldering me, I stopped kneeling for The Lord of mercy, mourning unanswered prayers, mourning the past and a frozen present, settling in the strangling stand-stills

'Life is too short to live in isolating anger' you used to tell me, but anger  is chewing, spitting me out to the frightening fears, there's so little hope left here, an innocence that ceased to exist, estranged in perish

The ink dried on my hand, Father.. Who do I turn to now? when the days grow colder, melting into one another, the urge to fight this, fading away, one day after the other, I'm not okay, I'm not okay, not at all and you're too far to hear this, too far to see this, too far to relieve this

They all hear my cries but you, the only one I look for is you, all I want is to be reunited soon, and I'm trying.. I'm trying, because of you, because of all the dreams you had when you held me in your hands, because of the lessons anchoring me to the ground, because of the name I proudly wear, the legacy I carry on my back. Because of you, I stand

Perhaps goodbyes aren't scripted in life, so we stand, in the brilliance of silence, to embrace loss as a part of love, death as the darker side of life. memories of you, run deeper, deeper to cut the wound in half, for the heartache, the healing, rushing my way

I'm stretching my pain in the waters, to an image of you smiling down of heaven, to say: we'll meet again my loved one, to reminisce with lighthearted laughter, in the warming shade of the hereafter

This is the only reassurance that keeps me going,

Father,

I miss you 

Delivering

death does not frighten me. it's the comfort in knowing where I'll belong, the little that shall become of me. the peaceful darkness soothes the hard edges, it's fitting, this certainty in conviction, that in death; I will no longer matter, spreading into nothingness, I'll fade away gradually, & the poetic tongue that screamed bullets, will finally hold it's breath to find rest. I do not fear death, you see; there lies my hope for a silent, separate eternity completely beyond myself. 

What A Womanly Thing To Do

what a womanly thing to do, to conceal the sweetness of your bitter words, to quiver alone, to silence a love, for fear it becoming a backbone.

this unmasked love, my dear, is inflamed longing, all the poetry in the world will fail to contain.

what a womanly thing to do. to refuse to dance to the music of his heart, claiming it too loud.

to laugh away his sorrows, the sadness burdening his tired shoulders, with expectations of a father awaiting the coming of his eldest son.

to show him that heaven does exist on earth, a painting of two lovers, in a space of one, then build a barrier, preventing the future from holding the brush.

what a womanly thing to do.

trust is gazing faithfully into a heart that appears as a reason in the dark, against all your poor judgements, even lack of that.

what a womanly thing to do. to push away the unfamiliar, in order, to stamp, to prove a theory, your inexperienced mind decided long ago.

love does survive in life.

it does when you move together, if even separately, to a shared rhythm, when you strip yourself honest, when you question the rigid grip on the past, cleaning the wounds of all the hurt inside.

it does when you grow into your own woman, not a fragment of all the women who spilled down their painful lessons.

two stories never once shared the same character.

it does when fighting is broken down into remedies, to reveal the cracks, for understating to surround them from every side.

it does when steps are paved, plans are marked, to a road that sees two, not afraid to wait, to work together, against the odds of life.

lovers, take your time. in contemplation of thoughts. but do not take your precious gift for granted. in solitary, look at the result behind the force, then make your peace.

lovers, distance is the testing recognition of all that is true in love, absence is the beginning of every loss. remember, indeed love drives from a positive source of faith in the small details.