Letters (pt. 1)

My love,

Trace my body & find your way home

My sister warned me of the wicked weakness of women who apply longing like a cheap fragrance to their skins.

Her exact words

She said men claim to want everything but really mean nothing; all in the same breath.

Men twist themselves into the shape of a dream just so they can steal a taste of a gorgeous beauty; half-turned; men leave you, betray you, all before wrapping your love in an old rag to stretch desperately for the cold lonely nights.

I saw the depth of love on my father's eyes whenever he spoke about my mother, life exposed it's sweetest fruits whenever he spoke about my mother, gratitude finished each & every thought whenever he spoke about my mother.

I believe people travel half the world to find a familiar comfort; a comfort that is as generous as a stream of a river-calm. I believe my father was broken when he met my mother, I believe he carried gloom long-settled in his heart only my mother would know about, I believe the sun rose for him, one day, as if to say; you never once suffered a sad fate, and a page of his past was turned forever. 

You are a hopeless one

Her exact words

My sister believes men only know of intimacy when they have their hands trapped so deep inside a woman's throat to stop her from leaving. Marriage is fast-falling every time you try to climb-out; you grow quieter, smaller, darker with every climax.

I... 

I try to cut off the weeds, but... I am entangled. 

My love, 

Divorce is no stranger to my vocabulary, I have summoned every piece of advice only to slip under. The women in my family lock grief in a distant room, and every night they part to greet it; every night they lay it bare, mold it in dry thoughts and a heart chilled out of its own emptiness.

The women in my family are all shrinking of bitterness, once as vocal and expansive as the rushing waves, have all knit their lips shut. 

Hush. 

Silent. 

I... 

I am scared of this silence.

I watched my sister swallow her weight in-agony on her first night, I watched my family watching her being smoked into ashes before their very eyes, I watched destiny cry her name over & over & over again before marking a place for her with the stars. 

My love, 

The battles fought in the name of love ache in the pages of my memories, yet, there are no doubts that could ever interrupt a moment standing in-between us; for the branches of your affection that gathered me like scattered drops of rain; I know it's you... & only you who can contain me.  

There are days where I am the pink clouds shaping love-letters, and I am so close... so very close to uncovering the veil, other days I am reduced to the mere distance, the wanting and the tattooed stories I keep trying to scrub off... to demand my love be true, to deny every spit-out pessimist view. 

My love,

Forgive me... 

For, I am still learning

How to trace my body 

To find my own way back home.