There Used To Be Lights Here

there's an unloosed dull oppression that wanders off alone, so far & out of sight, darkening & tossing the mind into a grave-like state. there used to be lights here; lights that would tell stories i would lay here & wait for the air to fill me out with kind words again.

my mother tells me that i lack the good fortune of patience, she says my heart is a delicate glass that i leave hard & scratched open. i know she is right, she knows i am too firmly fixed to lean-in the right way. i used to feel God's love stretching the earth beneath me, my soul moved me to fine waves of a thankfulness that never left me hungry. deep into dreamless days, i woke up on a day; flung floating on an empty page.

this, here, this single page right here.

there used to be lights here.

there used to be a dozen lights; unspoiled & untouched by the figures of horrors. there is a difficult nakedness that i am trying to cover. oh God, hide me into a stream & allow me to seek comfort there.

there used to be lights here.

oh God, i am terrified of the bare forgotten night that has fallen here.