reflecting innocence pt.3

I've pushed and lost him once before; when I was still desperate for more, I made sure not to feel his presence again, but like the devil; a lonely, fleeing thought of him would make me sin. I want him. I want him. My mind was consumed, not a single day had passed without him in my room. I've cried for him; when he was still with me and I've cried even more when I felt him, sink within me. My tears couldn't save me, neither would his words; for they would mean nothing because they've always left me clinging, craving more. I hate him. I hate him. And forevermore I was falling in love with a man and his broken soul.

I can't write for you the way I used to do; I can't give you hints about what you should or shouldn't do. I've turned a new page and it hurts me too; to think about the empty spaces that could've been filled with you. Trust me when I say I had no intention for it to end this way; but trust is often blind and you never had the courage to stay. My life was always hard, and ever since I was a child;  I've had a difficult time believing that anything could ever last. I still care and even as I leave; I'll hope that happiness finds you, I hope you'll find what you need.

I want to go where the wind might take me; disappear without a trace with no one with me. I've tried and I've played all this time; and finally I've found the refuge that had always been mine. In many years time we'll meet again; it would take you a few seconds to place me in, I would be different and hopefully you would too and in our differences, we'll find that theres something new... If so, don't hesitate or think twice; my heart had always been yours, and no man would ever come close.