Somersault

And is that why they call me a sullen girl?

The way we deal with grief, defines who we are. When people find themselves struggling they tend to look for a comforting place to lay their troubles, to be welcomed with warmth and acceptance, and embraced in all willingness and with no signs of constraint. A time when what you truly need is to be read, to have someone beside you to listen to you while you confess. Here's a little segment I call: never again. 

Feeling a need for a certain thing, can be quite overpowering; to an extend where, one might say they have gone out of character to hold and obtain that thing. My mother had always been a strong figure, ever since I could remember, she taught me that the only way to go further in life is to develop a tough shell; don't lose your tears to just about anyone or anything and so I guess I grew up, mimicking what I was brought up and ought to be. A little lesson I call: not me. 

Someone once told me that, when they read the pieces I write, they feel that as if I'm cheating myself for the way I get rid of feelings and how I choose to implicate them through writings. To all it's own, sometimes verbalising can take it's toll, and in all honesty I have always had an old, odd and an irreplaceable love affair with letters in typing! If someone takes the time to read what you have to write, then why bother with saying a thing after that? A little lesson I call: chicken and egg. 

The state of being in oblivion, is without a doubt, a state I foremost cherish, however I'm not talking about unnecessary supplements when I say that (Hi, mum) no, I mean the want to get away, and escape the people and their hectic atmosphere, when you can't seem to fit in there. A fear of being forgotten is almost crippling, especially when that fear is associated with a person who tends to push when it says pull. If there was anything I would ever regret, it would be the abandoning and losing of those that matter most. The casually cruel way I always tend to go. A little lesson I call: trust issues (Bye, drake)

Everybody wants something, those that claim they don't; simply haven't figured out what it is they want, yet. I'm a liar; I choose not to tell the truth, and that is for one reason only; a truth would lead to more questions, and questions demand answers; answers that I'm not willing to give, maybe not yet. maybe not ever. Whatever it is that I'm shutting down, would probably remain that way for awhile. Indulgence was never a habit of mine; and perhaps thats a lie, however in order to properly do it, I'd have to find a way to compromise. A little lesson I am yet to understand.