Do You Remember

It was midnight, the sky was deep blue; almost black, a silent night with most of the shops closed, only a few restaurants were open with even fewer people inside. A red light flashed, and the car stopped next to a take-away restaurant, I turned to look at the small chinese place with the olive-green coloured door, and caught glimpses of blank expressions and tired postures, people standing in line to put in their order, the car started to move again before I had enough time to take in the faces; faces of strangers that I'll never be able to recognise, as the car took a turn into the main street, I wondered about them and how I'm most likely to pass them by if I was to ever walk down that street, I chuckled then sighed at the irony of it all; for life is just that; sequences of appearances then passing on, nothing more.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked me while placing his hand by the radio player to lower the volume, the station that was on, was playing folk tunes, whispering nostalgia to every listener, I looked at him to find him staring at the road, the singer's voice was starting to fade out, repeating the words: 'Come home to me darling, come home to me' Her plea that dripped of longing made me wonder whether that home was an actual place or a time, was that same longing wrapped up in hope for a better ending? That the lover would come home to her if he was gone, or return to her, if he had left her? How deep in poison is longing? There really is no remedy for it once it pervade.

"You're strangely distant today" He whispered, staring at me with the sides of his eyes, I smiled and turned to face him "Strangely?" inquiring with curiosity, his eyes gleamed and were focused on the road again "Yeah, sometimes I can guess whats on your mind, but not tonight" I stared at him as the city lights were painting his face, he never looked more beautiful than tonight.

"Do you remember the first time you saw me?" I asked him without taking my eyes away, he eyed me for a second then looked ahead "Yeah" was his response, hesitated for a bit then said "It was around this time, wasn't it?" I nodded, "I still remember you back then" he said quietly, reflecting upon a memory, "What was I like?" I whispered, "Lost" he whispered back then laughed, I rolled my eyes yet couldn't help but laugh too, a memory of a terrified girl in a new city, asking for directions in the subway, rushed into my brain, what a distant time it seemed to me now.

"I was such a wreck" he looked at me quickly then said "No, you weren't, you didn't look as scared as -I'm sure- you must've felt" I shuddered my shoulders, "And if you were, I wouldn't have noticed, I was just really glad you ended up riding my train... No pun intended" he laughed as I rolled my eyes at him smiling, "You had a journal with you" He proceeded after a few seconds, deep in thought, "A black one; with a grey ribbon tied around it, a pen placed between the pages, that made me think that, you've been writing either that morning or only a couple of hours earlier. Your hair was in a bun and you were wearing a short black dress, and black shoes. You sat next to me and kept apologising every time you asked about the station we were approaching... It was so annoying" I giggled when I remembered the amount of 'I'm so sorry to bother you again' I must've said that day.

His eyes were fixed on the road, smiling as he spoke "You smelled good though, so I didn't mind" I let out a loud laugh, as I did not expect that response from him "Thank goodness for that" I said sarcastically, he took his hands off the steering wheel, raising them then mouthing 'Amen' before slowing the car down then stopping at a red light, "I remember wishing that train would never stop or reach a destination" he said staring at me, "You drew me in completely and more so effortlessly, I was hooked" I looked away, as the car started to move again, trying to catch my breath and my thoughts one by one.

"I remember your face and calm demeanour, the way you took the time to think deeply about every question and your awkward laughter when I asked if you were a writer, you shook your head and said 'Words tend to leave me hollow', then I asked if I could read your journal, you handed it over almost immediately, leaning forward whispering 'Here you go, total stranger' and then chuckled in that cute way you do" I giggled "Yeah exactly like that" he said smiling, before turning to face me with fierceness, "What is it?" I asked, baffled, "Its you" he said while pulling the car over to the side of the road and switching off the engine.

"When you gave me your journal to read that day, most of the writings were scribbled over in a bundle of ways, at first it was confusing to understand what was going on, and almost everything written seemed like an inner conversation that was well over my head, but still... There was something more, I don't know how to explain it, the way you write is very personal yet it doesn't really say much about you, its as if you give the reader fragments promising that the whole thing is coming up yet it never does. When I was reading, I saw vague parts of you; a girl that was trapped in her own mind, that reflects a lot on her surroundings, that craves a deeper understanding yet doesn't quite know how to have it"

He placed his thumb over my lower lip, sensing my deep and heavy breathing, with his eyes fixed on mine, he proceeded "You infatuate those that read you, because they feel like they've tabbed into the real you. You write bare, thats the impression you give anyway, when in fact, there's more layers that even you don't know about, and never really tried to. See, you somehow managed to convince yourself that someone else would peel you, and sure enough all of those that came close to do so, you've pushed away because you'd rather be a forever-mystery than a forgotten-memory"

A single tear rolled down my cheek, he brushed it with his thumb, I could hear my heartbeat filling the space of the car, his eyes did not turn from mine "Do you want to know why I didn't ask for your number that day on the train, even when every cell in my body was begging me to?" I shook my head and another tear rolled down, dropping to my skirt "Its because you were unreal; incredibly so. You embodied the phrase of 'too good to be true' for me, and I wanted to leave you that way, to remember you like that, a girl that sat next to me on a train and offered me a piece of her mind and heart, I couldn't ask for more... I could, but I didn't want to. I wanted you to remain a story I tell myself, cause I knew you were like no one else"

He took my hands in his, rubbing them together, before uttering "Of course, I regretted that decision as soon as you stepped off the train, I think I might've beaten myself up about it more than necessary, and then tried to find solace in the dreams I kept having of you in the nights that followed" he went quiet for a few minutes then said "You couldn't possibly imagine what I was feeling when I saw you again in that station, weeks after that first encounter; around the same time you were starting to become a myth, you appeared again in order to set me straight... And well, the rest is history"

Turning away to switch on the engine again, he smiled saying "You remain a mystery, in a way, you'll always be, and I'm fine with that. See, even at days when you're strangely distant, you still find your way back, I can never be mad after that. Now enough questions we need to get home before sunrise, are you in the mood for chinese food? I think we passed a place earlier"

I nodded, taking back his hand to hold, with my other hand I raised the volume of the radio with an indie tune blasting over, leaning to his side, I kissed his ear before whispering "I love you more each day" then went back to the seat, falling into sleep as a light drizzle outside, started to proceed.