Religion & Me (pt. 2)

'We find God and religions 

To paint us with 

Salvation' 

I have been running short on vocabulary lately, mostly it has to do with the fact that I haven't engaged in a conversation with another human for the past month, an adequate time for my mouth to forget to do that thing it does where it sort-of opens a bit and sound kind of vibrates in the form of words (...weird?) let's just hope this won't be pure nonsense with no substance... Wow, it already started! 

Awhile back I wrote a post about this particular subject, and I've made some kind of oath to return to it and see if I'd felt any different, so here I am, uncomfortably seated with a poor disposition  -might I add- writing about this for the second time.

This is my -most humble- opinion from experience, and I'm only declaring this to shut the voice in my head thats screaming right now: 

- STOP INFLICTING YOUR OPINIONS ON THE WORLD!! 

To which I take a step back, lean then take another one and say: 

- Sorry? 

- YEAH, YOU SHOULD BE!!

Oh... The grimes in insecurity, or is it the salvation in ignorance? 

I honestly believe that questioning my religion strengthen my faith, though it might not seem to be such an easy conviction, I never expected it to be anyway, also how am I to stand behind something I haven't sought and fought to understand? I took a few swings in the dark the last time I came by this corner by asking many questions that I couldn't possibly know the answers to, and I know that's the mere source to my frustration and agitation, it bothered me that I couldn't find a rational argument to settle an irrational topic... Let me explain. 

Last time I wrote about Islam from a religion standpoint (as much as I could remember) but not from an experience, I have been at the two sides of extremes, I've seen people using their religion as a cover to hide behind, a show to display, there's no harm in making mistakes as long as we learn from them, estimate the weight of each mistake or better yet manage to think of the consequences ahead of time, if all of that fails to happen then apparently falling back into the false sense of redemption is what's left.

Everyone has a different set of morals or moral codes -if you will- and it be stupid to assume them to be intrinsic, in a rather harsh reality where everyone has their own agenda they're following, I talk about morals and principles, because they're the reasons behind regrets and resentments, people that seem to possess none, find their "salvation" in religion, and in a way I can see why they would, because it does act as their safety net, think about it, why wouldn't I jump once and even twice if I was made fully aware that theres a safety net on guard at all times? 

I could argue even more and say that depends on the fall, but hey, if you jump you've jumped, that's it. 

Which acts we perceive to be good and which do we consider to be bad, should be defined by us, who we are determines how we act, I don't believe that there's good people and bad people in this world, there are those that do good and those that do bad, and roles tend to intertwine, a person's character is determined by their deeds, I couldn't possibly say I'm a good person if all you've ever seen me do is cheat and lie my way through life, doesn't matter what you think about yourself if you're not able to carry it out through your actions. 

People that use religion to cover their tracks, have no real conscience so they will fold themselves into a religion to get a "sense of rightness" because without it they wouldn't know where to turn, and with the absence of a safety net, wouldn't they just hit the ground? 

Then there's the radicals who lack a clear understanding of the core aspect of their religion, somehow managing to follow its every rule without once embodying its essence, it's true that we're taught to be as close to perfection as possible, but does that mean that we forget that the origin of this religion is kindness, and that the path to it is simplicity? do we scorn those who wear their imperfections outward, dismissing their views and rejecting the special connection they have with their Creator, just because they took (are taking) a different route than us? 

What it must feel like to live in an unprejudiced world? 

*She then holds her breath to silence her inner hippie* 

I haven't found the answers, and chances are I never will, and I've learned a long time ago that God isn't a "rational" theory, even though no one knows how the Universe came about (was there a one prior to it?)  and chances are they never will, so why is it difficult to believe that a Creator was behind it? I'll tell you why, its because knowledge had made us cynical, at least it did me about this particular area, I wanted to find a way to rationalise this irrational topic but that's just not possible, there's no logic to it, you either believe or you don't, take a pick. 

Take your time and think about it, what are we doing and why are we doing any of it? Is there a meaning behind your everyday, or is it all meaningless? Do you take a moment to appreciate the life that surrounds you or you're passing it by and those in it?  How would you describe justice when bad things happen to good people who seem to have lost about everything and are unable to cope? On that one particularly; tell me, is God a good theory? 

Greed had dictated the hearts of those who became blind to sound judgement, there's so much evil in this world, I will not deny it, but no one is born with it, people are taught to hate, why else would one treat another like they're inferior, like their life is of little to no value, that they could just end without much of a remorse? This has nothing to do with what faith they "practise" these are people of no faith to begin with. 

 I don't know why bad things happen to good people, I don't know why so many children had to die in these war zones, can I call them God's Children? Can I be naive enough to call them that? Life is suffering, but with so much suffering in it there's also an abundance of joy in it, its up to us to decide what we choose to see, and only with open wounds do we heal, and with immense pain do we long for and appreciate happiness when its finally here. 

My heart aches at the terrible circumstances so many are in right now, and it hurts a little at the bullshit we lose ourselves in everyday, from pride to drama to everything else that keeps us from being as connected to each others as we could be. We take life and those in it for granted, I know that I used to, and I became aware of that the night I lost a dear person to me, and believe me or not, from deep sadness happiness managed to find a way to shine through, it took the passing of this person to bring my family together, grief made us realise that we can't keep on pretending that family reunions every four years are sufficient, it made us take a step back and think that we ought to be there more, and so we did, and I do believe that even though this person left this world, she left behind her, her spirit to clothe us with. (RIP, love) 

I know this post seemed like ramblings followed by even more ramblings, and I've digressed to the point of WTF and I couldn't quite manage to find my way back, but hey, YOLO... Am I right? Anyway what I wanted to say was that I appreciate the little things that I never noticed before; like the slow pace of somedays, the blur of others, the people that come and go and the memories that follow. If I learned anything in the past months is that nothing lasts, nobody can help you if you are not willing to help yourself, and there's no use in expecting or demanding much of someone, everyone works at their own speed, and I understand that everyone has their own pain they're hiding from or dealing with, people in your life are like mirrors, they reflect something about you, they bring out something you were never aware of before; people in your life are seasons and everything that happens is for a reason. I don't want to stress about the things that don't matter anymore, I don't want to try and recapture something thats long gone and I don't want to make other people's happiness my number one priority. 

This world is indeed chaotic but the only real trap is getting attached to any of it, think about it for a moment, when we choose to let go is when we become free, the driving force in my life right now is maitri and karuna, caring for myself first then those around me; I can't promise to be what they expect of me but I'm here for them in a way I'm satisfied with, and I can't say I've figured out much about love other than its many variations and durations, we do not always get to see our love manifest and blossoms and perhaps thats okay, we don't always get to harvest in our lifetime and perhaps thats okay too, time is a mere concept thats all, what matters is leaving an imprint on those you touch, being there for someone in need, inspiring another to change for the better, holding on to a dear's trust and so on and forth. 

Life is composed of little moments, that make up for everything, sadly enough many are too absorbed in their own minds, that they fail to recognise them. Happiness isn't a difficult equation, it does not require you to be delusional, if you stop expecting and demanding things to be different, and instead accept where you're at right now (with the desire to move and improve further) maybe you can stand a chance at being happy.