Religion & Me

People that pick their noses 

and keep going at it... 

you're fingering 

yourself, mate

estagfurAllah, aldonya Ramadan 

When you squeeze an orange, until your hand managed to forcefully abstract all the liquid out, to leave a dry-dead looking skin of nothingness at the end of the process (actually that dry-dead skin can be used as a face-mask once heated and mutated, that poor thing; literally went from an orange to a "thing") notice how bad I am with metaphors, and following them up? *ABORT; says disengaged brain* well, here I go again, hand-in-hand with nonsense by my side, buckle down, brain. Buckle down. 

I flinch every time there's a discussion about Religion, I'm not sure whether I was brought up in an oblivious environment where discussions of that sort weren't talked about as they should've/could've been, perhaps it was an observe-and-copy environment where questions felt unnecessary to barge in, later felt a sense of unwelcome, or maybe I'll just blame it on the media because we all know it as the spawn of Satan (everyone is playing that blame-game nowadays) no matter what the reason is, I'll need to get over my preprogrammed anxiety and write what it is I think (I can only hope my prefrontal cortex isn't effected by the fast) 

Like everyone else, I've contemplated about existence, essence and left a blank space underneath the existential questions, because -to be honest- I am deep to my neck with uncertainty whenever I try to tackle any of it. This is my -surely humble- point of view regarding Religion, and I do not wish to discuss any other aspect that hangs with to contradict, be it; the universe and how it seemingly stretched from nothing, how it will supposedly return to nothing, what happens to our atoms once our bodies cease to function, if our energies could be transferred, the freaking evolution of homo sapiens. Na Bruv, I'm not doing none of that. 

Instead, I'll talk about my set of beliefs (raised upon and acquired) that should make me feel "good about myself" once they're applied and lived by, and why its never as simple as that. 

Islam -to me- is a religion that encompasses many layers, when I tried to take it for its literal sense, I found a gap between us as large as the Pacific Ocean, I couldn't relate, the severity of its punishments, the rigidity of its disciplines, the ancient history of its sacred book, I was a foreign in an unfamiliar land, failing to fit in, I didn't have a hard time believing (although weeds of doubt grew now and again) the difficult time was spent practicing, I applied myself, attempting to find it within me to realise why I was doing it, why I was praying, what did I go through during the prayer and what did I feel afterwards? the answer was a flatline of nothingness. 

So basically, you mean to say, you were going through the motions to trigger the emotions? (Yes, captain cliche of all cliches) that was basically it, it also didn't help that all I was exposed to, from the media, was the 'wrong kind of Islam', you know the ones that take God's matters into their own hands, that believe they're Prophets in their own right, that know nothing about their religion but its rules and punishments. 

Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) is the last prophet to carry the final answers from God to the people, through the Koran and his many sayings and stories that I'm learning about, I say the final answers but there's really one question that comes to the minds of people "What is my purpose in life?" and the answer to that, is actually quite simple if I was to take it from the perspective of Islam: to believe in the articles of faith, to carry out the five pillars, to refrain from all of which that is haram (forbidden), and to spread the message of Islam. 

Life is granted not possessed, that's the core asset in understanding Islam, this life we're living now, is a steppingstone to the afterlife, where you are either to be rewarded for your good deeds or punished for wasting the life that was given in evil deeds or no deeds at all. It goes with the saying, many muslims (and most non-musilms) believe in: 'Everything is a test from God' basically what that means, is that God is watching your every move, nothing is random, you are constantly placed in situations that test your faith, your oath, to see how strongly you believe, how sincerely you're carrying out the message.

It goes without saying that there are a lot of forbidden pleasures in Islam (pleasure isn't really the word here, but for lack of a better term) and life is filled with temptations, when I first read about Islam (for pleasure, again for lack of a better term) (can you imagine if a writer wrote a novel composed of sentences ending with 'for lack of a better term' how satire is that? I would pay for that) anyway, I took in the literal sense of the text, and I found myself unable to comprehend let alone apply it to my life, and that is where I took a detour. 

Why did God forbid Adam and Eve from the tree of knowledge? why did He send them to the garden of Eden if they would disobey Him? Was it so that they would inhabit the Earth and begin what was yet to be known as the humankind? Was it a punishment for the first example of disobedience and the suffering that followed it? Or was it to show the story (the legend) of how weak human beings are against temptations (in all its different facets)? Why was shame the first emotion they felt when they became aware of each others nudity? Is that why we grow up hiding ourselves embarrassed by the mere mention of the human form? Is shame the feeling that we ought to associate with sin? Why didn't they feel guilt immediately for doing what God ordered not to? If following the rules is what God wants from us, and breaking them is what the Devil is after, what does that make us... pawns? 

See now why I fringe at discussions about Religion, almost always the endless cycle of questioning is interrupted by a strange abstract thing lurking in, fishing for doubts which form from the absence of answers, trying to catch me, and its goes by the name of Atheism. 

I remember having a conversation with a friend once, about how underwhelmed she felt when the topic of Judgement Day was brought up, her argument was basically centred around how the universe was filled with so many wondrous limitless opportunities and a bunch of many other variables that line up together, that we won't even have time to make sense of, before the end of the world, as we came to know it, where we stand to be questioned about what we've done in that particular day of that particular year and so and so. I don't remember how that conversation ended, and I don't think I've tried to argue to what I "believe" would actually happen, for it is written and those who read about it, can have a picture of what it would be like, and here I go, stumbling again. 

Allow me to pick myself up. 

The signs to the end of the world are both major and small, the major 'time-changing' are yet to happen, though the small ones are happening as we are living now, I'm not going to go through them, in all honesty I don't remember them with clarity, what I can however talk about, is the picture of the last judgment, the one I was raised to believe would happen, from teachings at schools to videos of religious scholars on youtube (as real as it gets, yo) the humankind is called upon to raise from the dead, everyone for his/herself; except those who loved one another under God's name, lived to spread His message and strengthen their faiths together, those are hand-in-hand walking toward their judgement, and those who were not following in God's orders (after taking his name) are running in wild fear without much awareness, the sun is right above the heads, and all are waiting to see, which eternity they'll fall into. Some muslims will run with the speed of light through the bridge leading up to Heaven (Alseerat Al mostageem) those are the ones who lived by God's wishes and have spread His message, others will walk in slowly balancing between their deeds and some will crawl, chained to the deeds that will eventually lead them to punishment.

Another image is the white fabric that will be covering the naked bodies, this fabric will extend according to the person's actions, some will have a full garment and others only shreds. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) will be the first to lead his nation to the doors of Heaven, the first to knock and the first to be welcomed, he is the one that will quench the thirsts and lead every muslim to his/her place in heaven. Some would have castles and others would have a small space, all depending on their actions on earth. 

Disclaimer: No research went into the accuracy of this, this is nothing other than the ranting of a girl, working her way out of incoherent thoughts, in an attempt to understand what it is she doesn't. I know nothing. 

Reasonable questions that are worth mentioning; why is Islam the final religion for mankind? Why is it the one that'll stand the course of time? Why was Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) chosen? Why wasn't there any documented miracles during his time, forcing the non-believablers to change their minds like the Prophets before him? 

Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was illiterate, and that's the first fact, that is usually poked on to mock the religion as a whole. I honestly believe reading the Koran and understanding it, is the first step towards killing the weeds of doubts, stories that are documented carries within them depth into the true nature of life, and what we are doing, why we are doing it and whom we are serving. Of course religions before such carried answers too, but Islam is different, in a sense of God's entrusting His message with a man who passed every single test was placed upon him, Muhammed (SAAWS) lost both of his parents at a young age; having never actually met his father and watched his mother dying before his own eyes, he was placed at the guardianship of his grandfather who was the first to notice that he was different, he used to bring him to meetings with him, but instead of playing Muhammed (SAAWS) used to listen, and take in everything that was said, from an early age he was developing his abilities to think and reflect. 

After the death of his grandfather, he was then placed at the guardianship of his uncle, who took him gladly, and Muhammed (SAAWS) worked for many years, starting at the age of nine as a sheepman, then at 15 as a seller (again, I did not check those facts) he was known for his hard work and dedication, his honesty and humility. When I spoke of tests, I meant the losing of those closest to him, Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) realised -from such a young age- what grief and loss truly felt like, how fleeing life actually is, and that wasn't enough to keep him away from the society in which he partook in. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was known for his reflections and contemplation, his solitude at Cave Hira in the mountains is the perfect example for when he was seeking answers to the many questions clouding his mind; a notion I know many including myself went (and will continue to go) through. 

I'm not going to write a historical post, instead I would like to answer some of the questions, I stated earlier, I believe that Islam is the final religion for a reason; Koran is composed of stories of pervious times and times still ahead, it surpasses the time in which it was revealed, and the time in which we live in now, I guess I'm trying to say its timeless and that's why its not affected by the passage of time. God breathed His spirit unto Adam, we are all born with an intrinsic essence that somehow speaks to us; call it conscience or soul, regardless of the name, its there, and its the one that determines how we feel about ourselves. Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) was chosen for he embodied all the traits of an inspiring teacher and mentor, he was not only a messenger of God, he was able with his characteristics to effect the course of an entire nation and the many that followed and keep following it. 

There's this question that goes 'If you could invite three people to dinner with you -alive or dead- who would you pick?' I would love to invite Prophet Muhammed (SAAWS) to hear more of his stories and see for myself the enigma that he is. PBUH. 

Just saying. 

There weren't any miracles during the spreading of the message of Islam, and I think that was because the era of miracles was over, Islam came with a direct message; the first word from God to come down on Muhammed (SAAWS) was 'Read' and I believe that thats truly all you need to know, this religion's sole purpose is to teach people to read and become educated so that they'll built and develop worthwhileness in this life. During the early times of the message Muhammed (SAAWS) built Dar Airqm where teachings about Islam and the Koran was being held for the followers to become more informed; they did not follow blindly, they understood the text, something that I think we lack in our time. 

When I pray, my ability to be mindful and present is often transient, I struggle through my urge to fight the distractions and desire to cave in, a reason behind this, could be repetitiveness, I don't need to tell you, how easy it is (in this day and age) for the brain to find dull spots during the day, and praying everyday like its a chore you're supposed to be doing isn't what praying is about, I heard this story about a man who described praying as his personal time with God, he would shake sometimes reduced to tears when he becomes aware of how magnificent and grand the meeting actually is, another story about a man who cried during a prayer, when asked why, he said he was filled with weary and agony because life and its endless distractions managed to take his mind away during prayers, he felt sorry for himself... and I'm sure there are countless other stories, but you get my point. 

I could only wish to arrive at that stage, where reciting Koran during prayer leaves my spine tingling, where the comfort we humans so desperately seek, I can find during my personal time with God. There is no denying that I have felt an emptiness recently, perhaps what's changed is that I can be more articulate when describing it, cause I've grown more accustomed to it, either way I would like to ask you to ask yourself this question: is everything felt in-half here? by here I mean life, Is there a reason why happiness doesn't last nor does sadness, why satisfaction isn't 100% granted? Is it because that's all we're meant to have? and that the other half or perhaps the full pie is savoured for Heaven? 

Its not simple math, struggling to carry out His message is only natural. Life is wonderful, it was granted for living and making the most of it. Yet it's not ours to claim, perhaps thats why I heard so many stories about people (muslims in particular) in their death beds; seeming serene to have found something we living are still searching for, they've let go of their grasp in life, perhaps that's where comfort comes around. Morbidness step aside. 

This isn't one of those 'shed a light on' posts, I do not want to defend my religion, nor justify the horrible acts some people carry under its name. I simply want a platform where I can stand upon, even when mistakes are made, and be able to bounce back. When I was younger the last thing I inquired of someone was their believe system, and now that I'm a bit older, it remains the same. I am trying to understand myself better, and faith is only reinforcing that. 

Disclaimer (2): I am not isolating myself nor do I advocate that, I am also not in the business of converting anything, this is nothing other than the ranting of a girl who's spilling her mind into a keyboard. 

PS: That orange was a metaphor for my mind. 

PPS: I'm so lame.